Regaining your balance when life throws you a curve ball
Ever notice how much we take our sense of balance for granted, right up until something goes wrong and we lose it?
It could be our physical balance, which becomes impaired due to medications, alcohol, slipping on or tripping over something, or even some loose ear crystals—one of the most common causes of vertigo. We rely on being able to physically navigate the world with relative ease, but when something affects our balance, it really throws us for a loop.
The same thing goes for our sense of well-being, which involves us keeping a sense of control over things. Sometimes we conceive of it as work/life balance, but it’s true whether we work outside the home or not: it’s the balance between public and private, social- and alone-time, things you want to do versus things you have to do for one reason or another.
Last week, I completely lost my sense of life balance.
You may already have figured that out, if you saw last week’s blog post, which was essentially a non-post about taking a break.
It turns out that the combination of the ongoing pandemic, the uptick in prices of gas and groceries, and the war in Ukraine with multiple health issues affecting my husband and me was enough to upset the applecart. Things flew every which way, and it was all I could do to keep up with health appointments.
While we are still working through Morris’s cardiac issue(s), I am feeling more calm this week thanks to two separate cardiologist appointments last week—one with our regular guy, and one with a cardiac “electrician,” who will do a procedure next month to put Morris back into sinus rhythm. I also had an endoscopy on Friday to remove still more adenoma from my duodenum (it’s a glamorous life, y’all), so I am better able to focus now that the procedure is in my rearview.
Looking at last week’s calendar, and knowing the ongoing issues we all share as a society, it’s no wonder I got overwhelmed. Just one of the shared, ongoing issues (Covid, inflation, prices, or the war) can be enough to throw any of us off our game. The same goes for personal health or relationship issues, family disputes, a death in the family, and/or a crisis—or even just a deadline—in the workplace.
Today, I’d like to talk about how to regain your balance when things have gone sideways.
In this excellent article at Inc.com, Robin Camarote likens our loss of balance or control to being shoved from the driver’s seat into the back seat of the car. Instead of going where you want and doing what you’d planned, you are suddenly strapped in for a ride you can’t actually steer.
Camarote’s key recommendation is to pare your list way down for the day, and to choose just one priority to complete. Her recommendation allows you to finish one important task, which helps you to feel that you didn’t completely drop all the balls.
While she doesn’t offer examples in the article, priority tasks could mean completing something that has a deadline, writing that one important email or making that one important call, feeding yourself (and others) the necessary meals for the day, attending one meeting, or running one key errand. My advice is to make it something you already had down as a priority for the day, unless something major just came up—in which case, “deal with the new situation” is your priority.
Need a permission slip? I’ve got you.
As Camarote notes, once you have completed that one priority task, you should feel at least a little bit of your sense of control returning to you.
At that point, you can employ one of her other methods to try to get back on track: do a quick review of your goals to help you remember your WHY; move yourself to a different physical space as a way to leave your issues behind and be able to focus; declutter your workspace (or kitchen counter, or kitchen table).
I would add doing a brain dump to this list, since it gets all the items and ideas you’ve been processing through in your mind out of your brain and onto paper, where you can organize and prioritize it. If you want more detail on how to do one, check this prior post.
You can also add a “pep talk”, as Camarote suggests. Or you can do a quick self-coaching exercise, such as a bit of mirror work.
Mirror work is one of the skills that I am teaching inside my Empress of your own life program, and I have found it to be the best way to reduce negative self-talk and bolster a sense of self-love and self-worth.
Essentially what you do is gaze into your own eyes in the mirror so that you can really see yourself. You aren’t assessing your appearance, just connecting with your inner spirit. It can be easier if you get unnecessarily close to the mirror so you are really only seeing your eyes, since you are trying to connect with yourself.
Once you recognize that connection, say something kind to yourself. This could be as simple as “You are doing the best you can.” Or you could say something like “I know things are hard right now, but you’ve got this.” Or “It’s okay to feel sad (or angry or wobbly).” Or “I see you. Keep going.”
You could also use the technique that author and motivational speaker Mel Robbins recommends in her book, The High 5 Habit, and just give yourself a high five while thinking “Hey you! I see you! You got this. Let’s do this.” (Quote from page 13 of the book.)
When you lose your sense of life balance, it’s important to give yourself the space and time to regain your sense of equilibrium. That could mean taking a break, as I did last week. But we all know that breaks in the form of time off aren’t always possible for everyone.
At those times, it’s important to lean on your basic self-care techniques, as I mentioned in this post two weeks ago. Or to do some of the things I wrote about in “What You Need to Do If You Feel Overwhelmed”, an article published by Tiny Buddha.
Whatever you do, please don’t beat yourself up. You don’t deserve that, and (in any case) it won’t actually help. If you’d like to work with me to learn kind ways to connect with yourself and stop your inner mean girl, I’d love for you to sign up for Empress of your own life—a one-on-one coaching program in four sessions that teaches you actual tools to help you recalibrate your relationship with yourself.
