You cannot pour from an empty cup.
I’ve been hearing a lot of talk about burnout lately. Not just from me, either, as I muddle through the end of November feeling exhausted as a result of a recent head cold.
On the one hand: it was just a cold. On the other hand: it knocked me on my ass, yo.
And I’m slow to get back up.
You cannot pour from an empty cup.
This quote—you cannot pour from an empty cup—keeps coming to mind, and is something I’ve repeated several times in the past few days to friends and acquaintances online. They said they needed to hear it. Maybe you do, too.
It came up with a Twitter friend from the UK who felt beaten down and disheartened after a bunch of trolls piled onto her account. She had shared some posts in support of Ukraine, and apparently got the attention of some antidemocratic sorts who turned Twitter into an ugly place for her for a few days as she deployed the block button as much as possible in a game of whack-a-mole.
It came up with a Facebook friend from the US who has realized just how burned out she is right now, and wondering how to manage her job-job, her home, her mom-job, and (of course) the holiday season when she’s already overwhelmed.
It came up with a local friend who has been trying to run her own business (it’s the busy season) while also dealing with a bunch of family stuff (the sort that you don’t share with strangers).
How are we supposed to go on when we are running on empty?
Here is a list of things you might want to try to reduce your burnout level and start to repair yourself:
Acknowledge that you are burnt out. Assess how bad it is. Hint: if you are fantasizing about spending time in the hospital for a few days just to get some time off, or you are dreaming about getting in your car and driving off without looking back? You are really, really badly off just now. Fantasies about changing jobs or moving to a desert island are also up there. But you can also be burned out even if you are managing to trudge through the day each day and make a reasonable attempt at getting things done.
Take a day off from your job, if you can, and spend the day on your own, doing as close to nothing as possible. Get up, get others out, eat something and take your meds, then go back to bed. Nap if at all possible. When you can no longer nap, read a book for pleasure, or binge-watch something you’ve been meaning to watch. The idea isn’t to take a day off to be “productive,” it’s to take a day off to REST and allow yourself to reset. Order in dinner. Go to bed early. Seriously, you are probably exhausted, whether you know it or not. Rest up.
I recognize that you hear this advice everywhere, but declare at least a day off from social media. Don’t just do without it for the first hour of the day and the last two hours before bedtime (those are the minimum guidelines for good social media hygiene, and no, I don’t always or even usually follow them). Take at least one day off away from social media so that you can start to re-regulate your own dopamine levels and maybe not lose valuable time that you might want to put to a different use.
Get outside. Go for a walk to see who in your neighborhood has decorations up. Or which businesses have fun window displays. Go to a park and wander around, admiring trees whether they have leaves or not, and looking for birds and squirrels (and more, depending on where you live). Being in nature and connecting with nature is super good at helping you regulate stress levels, and is amazing for helping you feel more connection to the planet.
It’s okay to just sit outside. You don’t have to take a walk. It’s fine to sit and watch the clouds move in the sky. Even if it’s cold out, you can bundle up for a few minutes and just sit, like a Victorian lady convalescing. We could all use some of that sort of pampering, so consider making yourself a pot of hot chocolate or a cup of tea or coffee to enjoy whilst you recover in nature.
Speaking of delicious beverages, maybe assess your intake. Be sure you are well-hydrated—it’s especially important in the winter, when so many places pump dry air and we have a tendency to dry out. Your brain needs to stay moist and spongey, not dried like a walnut, in order to function properly, so make sure you are drinking enough water. Enjoy other beverages responsibly. And maybe assess your alcohol intake if it’s been ramping up, since over-drinking is something folks tend to fall prey to when they aren’t paying attention, or when they are trying to self-medicate depression or anxiety. Back off your intake if it’s getting to a place that makes you uncomfortable, or is affecting your sleep.
Get more sleep. I said what I said. You know you need it, and you know you aren’t getting enough. If you want tips on fixing it, start with this blog post and scroll forward, or pick up a copy of my e-book, 12 tips to help you sleep. (I even put it on sale for you!)
Simplify what you can. Instead of going to four different grocery stores to get what you need for the week, go to one (or maybe two, max). Simplify can mean doing with less, or it can mean using less energy to do what needs to be done. Maybe it means that everyone you know gets books for Christmas this year and you get to spend four hours in a book store in complete bliss, and then you get to be done holiday shopping. Or maybe it means adding less stuff onto your to-do list. Maybe putting up the tree is enough, and you don’t need to pull out the Christmas village for inside and put up lights outside too.
Drop the shit that you hate. You don’t like baking pies? Don’t bake pies. Do without or order in. You hate going to Aunt Edith’s Christmas party? Don’t go. You despise the way your mother-in-law makes her brisket and latkes? Don’t go. Or eat before you go, something that you enjoy.
Outsource what you can, where you can. Need baked goods for the kids to take to school? Buy ‘em. Need the house thoroughly cleaned before the family visits? Hire someone. Yes, things have to be done. No, you don’t have to do all of them yourself.
Ask for help. If you are like me, the mere thought of asking for help probably makes you feel a bit squicked-out, but truly: ASK FOR HELP. You are happy to help others when they ask, so allow others to be happy to help you. If you can’t (or don’t want to) do it yourself, ASK. FOR. HELP. And then remember that a simple “thank you” is fine after the fact.
Reassess your media intake. Don’t watch or listen to the news unless it’s your job. Put on music that brings you joy, or makes you feel at peace.
Allow some things to fall away. Maybe they are things you enjoy, or that are nice to have, but not necessities. First sort out your necessities (shelter, food, water, sleep) and make sure those basics are covered, then you can start adding the other things. When it comes to the holidays, ask what are the “necessities” for you and your family, and maybe let the rest fall away this year. They will be there next year, if you want them.
I should note that in my opinion, all that stuff up there (gestures at top of this post) counts as self-care.
It’s not bubblebaths and nail polish, and there is nothing wrong with bubblebaths and nail polish. But it’s taking care of yourself in a nurturing way so that you have the ability to re-form yourself as a mostly whole person. It allows you to have the energy to function in the ways that you’d like to.
Do the things you need to do to take care of yourself, and soon enough, you will find that you are starting to recover enough energy to maybe share a little somewhere else. But fill your cup first.
Interested in right-sizing your holiday season this year?
It’s not too late to sign up for ALL IS CALM: Simplify Your Holidays. It is all about helping you to discover what matters to you about the holidays this year, and to help you plan and celebrate the holidays in a way that feels good to you, while also allowing you to feel good about not over-efforting. Want to mix things up? This course is for you. Want to stick with tradition, but find ways to make things more meaningful? This course is also for you. Envision and plan what you want, nourish yourself as you nurture your vision for the holidays, and release the BS that comes with the weight of other people’s expectations.
