I wanna tell you something
Did you ever have a conversation with someone that took up space in your mind and then slowly started to expand over time? It’s somewhere between wishing I’d said something more than I did, wishing I’d never had this particular exchange, wanting to crawl into a hole, and also being a bit pissed off.
Here’s what happened:
Over the weekend, we spent time with family, as often happens this time of year. We enjoyed our time with Morris’s cousin’s families quite a bit, both on Thanksgiving and at a family event to unveil the headstone for his cousin who died almost a year ago, which took place on the day after Thanksgiving.
During one of those events, I was chatting with a woman, and told her I’d started my own coaching business. Now, this doesn’t seem like a huge deal, but let me tell you: for the first four months of this business (roughly until OCTOBER of this year), I was shy/nervous about claiming that for myself. Because it was new. Because it felt fragile. Because it meant so much and I worried about the response.
And then I attended FINISH STRONG with Susan Hyatt in early October, and realized there was no need for me to be shy, nervous, apologetic, or anything else. I’m a coach. I love this work. And I’m GOOD AT IT, yo.
So when I told this (extremely nice, by the way) woman that I had started a life coaching business, working with women in midlife, I totally owned it. I felt confident, even.
Friends, I was not prepared for her response.
She burst into laughter and asked, “Why?”
While laughing.
As if it were the most ridiculous thing I could have told her.
As if it were a joke, or a mistake.
As if I were a fool for choosing to be a life coach.
What I said in the moment
At the time, I answered that I enjoyed working with people. That I enjoy helping women figure out what their goals are, then mapping out a way for them to get where they want to go. That I’m good at this.
All of which is 100% true. Then we moved on to other topics.
I should emphasize that I love this person, who came into my life after I met my sweetheart. I should tell you that she wasn’t intentionally being inconsiderate or cruel.
I was surprised, then, when it came to mind on Saturday and started to really take up room.
I realized that this interaction was bothering me. A LOT.
I could still hear her laughter and the laughter in her voice as she asked “why”, as if I’d lost my marbles. In that moment, I realized that I had to do something about it.
When I was a child, things like this happened regularly, since my mom wasn’t always tactful in dealing with her little dreamer. She thought that “teasing” was funny, though I often experienced it as hurtful. I learned to keep things to myself, rather than be vulnerable. I chose to be quiet, rather than to be seen, since that could feel dangerous. I talked myself out of life choices that felt risky. I stayed small. I tried to stay safe.
All of that came flooding forward for me on Saturday, as I replayed my interaction with my husband’s relative inside my head. The years, the decades I’d kept myself “less than” so as not to draw attention. So I could skate through life unseen. So I wouldn’t ruffle feathers, or attract any heat.
What I did on Saturday
I chose to share what happened with my husband (who was mortified, by the way, and possibly a bit angry on my behalf). And then I chose to share it with you, and with the world.
I refuse to be made to feel small about this.
To be made to feel less than.
To shut down.
To shut up.
To sideline myself because of someone else’s inappropriate reaction.
I refuse to go quietly on this, because what I did manage to say to her is true.
I love this work. I enjoy helping other women. And I’m good at it.
Here’s what I can promise you
I will never laugh at your dreams or desires.
I will always cheer you on.
You can count on me to do what I can to help you achieve your goals.
Even if you think your dreams, desires, or goals are unattainable, I will do all I can to help you figure out how to accomplish them, or something better.
I will encourage you to dream and plan.
I will encourage you to find people to support your goals.
I will not tolerate you wanting to make fun of yourself, or wanting to throw in the towel based only on fear (of success, the unknown, etc.).
Get in touch if you think you WANT a LIFE coach
If you are at a place where you are trying to work things out and need someone to bounce things off, take advantage of the free half-hour discovery call I offer to see if coaching might be right for you. (Just fill out the contact form and I’ll be in touch.)
If you have something you need assistance with, such as brainstorming ways to accomplish something, titles for courses, a name for your business, ideas for ways to _____ (make money, increase visibility for your business, find customers, etc.), consider scheduling a brainstorming session with me.
If you know you want a coach, whether it’s for a short-term issue or a longer-term solution, get in touch for that free discovery call, and we can make sure we are a fit. if it seems that we are, I will send you a client intake questionnaire to help you collect your thoughts, and we can get going with one-on-one coaching.
If you aren’t ready for a coach or don’t need one
That is entirely cool. I’m just glad you’re here.
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