But I don't wanna!
I took hours to figure out what to write about this week, because I didn’t want to write a blog post. Rather, I wanted it to be something easy and obvious, and it felt complicated and obscure.
I spent an hour yesterday morning scrolling through social media, because I didn’t want to cook breakfast. I didn’t feel like it, because I’ve been cooking stuff daily and yesterday morning I just wanted breakfast without having to, you know, make it myself. To top it off, my husband decided he’d like an omelette for breakfast, which is when I got slightly cranky about it, to be honest, even though I usually really enjoy cooking for him.
I suppose it is a sign of cabin fever. Or whatever the “stay at home during this virus” equivalent might be called.
I don’t wanna.
I don’t wanna cook. I don’t wanna wear a mask. I don’t wanna stay home. I don’t wanna do the hard things.
If I had allowed it, my inner child would have gone into a full tantrum. Instead, I paused for just a moment to take a deep breath in and release it. And it occurred to me that THIS IS HOW IT IS. Whether I want it or not.
Breakfast won’t make itself. This blog post wouldn’t magically appear. I have to pull up my big girl panties and get on with things.
Also? It occurred to me that I am a grownup, and that stomping my feet and saying “I don’t wanna” isn’t an option. Well . . . it IS an option, but not one that will help anything.
Yesterday, instead of shouting or sulking, I decided that if I was going to make an omelette, I wouldn’t just chuck some cheese into eggs and call it good. Whether I did it grudgingly or with a full heart, it needed to be done. So instead of some scrambled eggs with cheese, I (cleaned, then) sautéed mushrooms, shallots and thyme in butter to add to the filling of our omelette along with the cheese. It was spectacularly delicious.
Because of that choice, I turned my morning around. Because I opted to do it with a full heart, I felt proud of the meal I made and it felt like a nurturing act of love, rather than a tasteless obligation.
But after breakfast? Yeah . . . I didn’t wanna do this here post.
During the day yesterday, I did some decluttering and tidying. I worked on the manuscript for The Declutter Book, a new way of sharing the information in The Declutter Course. I took a monster nap (about an hour and a half). And eventually, I found my topic for today’s post, even though as of six o’clock last night, I still didn’t want to write it.
I can’t wish this virus away. But I CAN choose my own behaviors and responses.
I can choose to take a deep breath.
I can choose to behave like a grownup.
I can choose to do the right thing, whether it’s making breakfast, writing a blog post, or insisting (as I did on Mother’s Day) that we all wear masks when my daughter is here and we are inside the house.
Being upset is entirely allowed
While I chose to do the hard things, like making breakfast and cleaning up and writing a post, I still didn’t really want to. It was just A DAY, you know?
In case you need to hear it, because I had to remind myself of this, too, it is entirely okay to be upset.
It’s okay to be worn out or worn down. It’s okay to express fear and sorrow and frustration. It’s okay to feel inconvenienced, even if the things upsetting you pale in comparison to those experienced by other people.
It’s more than okay. It’s important.
You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t sometimes find yourself at the end of your rope, or if stress didn’t affect you. And friend, you are a lovely human.
Before I sign off this week, a quick reminder that my new book, Lower your anxiety, is still on sale at 50% off. I was going to have it expire tonight at midnight, but I’ve decided instead to keep that sale price open until Friday. The book has something like 18 sections in it, and some of those sections have multiple tips to help you lower your general feelings of anxiousness and stress, as well as concrete techniques to help you deal with an anxiety attack, should one arise. It includes journaling pages and a life-coaching exercise for you, along with a hydration tracker, since being hydrated helps with so very many things.
