You Deserve More: why I created Aligned Alchemy

I’m going to be completely earnest here, which is one of those types of conduct that we often make fun of because it makes us uncomfortable.

I spent a lot of years trying to please other people. Trying to fit into the boxes that made them happy. Trying to dim my own sparkle for a variety of reasons.

Some of that “learning to conform” stuff came from growing up in our patriarchal society. Some of it came from growing up in my particular family. Some of it was borrowed from friends and associates along the way.

I suspect it’s much the same for many people. We go along to get along, until one day, we find ourselves far downstream from where we ever intended to be.

At the time, my thoughts were in disarray. The part of me that wanted something different and that believed it was possible to change things spent a lot of time getting beat up by my inner bully. I’m calling it that because (a) “inner critic” doesn’t seem strong enough and (b) that voice was NASTY.

Thoughts like “this is all you deserve, you’re not good enough, etc.” were there, as with any inner critic stuff, but my inner voice? She brought the heat. Who do you think you are? You don’t even deserve what you have. Your ideas are stupid. You can’t pull anything off. You are disgusting.

Of course there was more. There was always more. And frankly, it was all worse than what I’ve written here, because she has learned to mind her manners these days, and this is the best I can come up with on the fly.

My emotions were a mess. Most of them were stuffed down, because allowing myself to feel them was too painful. And that didn’t seem productive. I spent a lot of time in low-vibration moods, sometimes to the point of feeling entirely numb.

My actions and resources back then? Does “sitting around typing on my laptop” count as action? I mean, yes—I developed a popular blog for children’s writers back in the day. I honed my writing skills and became a published author and poet. But the rest of my life was stagnant. I may as well have been stuck in the mud out in the wilderness somewhere.

But that still, small voice inside—the truth of me, the heart of me, the one that is connected to universal energy—that still, small voice didn’t give up.

Maybe, it whispered, there is something more.

Maybe you deserve more. Maybe you can be more.

I found my way out of my personal wilderness

I started slowly, by latching onto things that sounded right to me. One of the first phrases I found was “when you focus on what you want, it will come into your life.” I heard it at a Weight Watchers meeting, wrote it down on a 3x5 card, and put it on my mirror where I could see it every day. It began to work its magic over time.

At first, I didn’t even know what I wanted except for “not this,” so focusing on anything was hard. But over time, I realized that I wanted to feel more like myself, and less like this numbed-out nebulous blob (which was truly how I felt). I realized as I read through scores of romance novels that I wanted a different life partner than the one I had: one who supported my dreams, valued me as I was, behaved like an adult, and was all-in for romance.

Still, I didn’t take action. Instead, I sat with those ideas and beliefs through a time period when my second ex-husband was diagnosed with and treated for non-Hodgkins lymphoma. My inner bully was LOUD during this time, because my ex was sick, and what sort of monster wants to leave a sick person? PLUS it would be my second divorce, and that would be on my permanent record.

Despite the conflict caused by my internal bully, my belief that I deserved something better didn’t go away, though.

Instead, those beliefs got stronger. And once my material world seemed stable due to my ex being recovered from his cancer, I found that my thoughts agreed that things could and should be better, and my emotions weren’t as much of a mess. So I took action. A second divorce on my permanent record.

I felt freer than I had in years, and ready to re-launch my life. As I waited for my court date to finalize things, Morris asked me out. And despite it being somewhat odd timing, he seemed like a possibility. It turned out that he was everything I could want in a guy: my rock when I need stability, my wind when I need to soar, my biggest fan and cheerleader, my sweetest friend and lover.

I realized that I had focused on one thing that I wanted (a true partner), and it had indeed come into my life.

Maybe I was onto something.

That was all ten years ago now. Ten years of personal growth. Ten years of personal and professional development. That is just one example, which overlapped with a lot of other things I worked on as I found my way back to myself.

Over those ten years, I followed more soul whispers as they arrived. I became an artist. I sent both of my daughters off to college. I sold my house and moved in with Morris. I took courses and studied and worked with coaches myself.

I did a lot of work to heal myself, some of it taking far longer than it would have if I’d gotten help sooner. The work is ongoing, but it has been tremendously freeing to let go of other people’s expectations, to drop the things that don’t serve me, and to give myself the love and respect that I deserve.

Turns out, success is an inside job.

I followed my own intuitive path—it started out steep and blocked with obstacles, but as I kept going, things began to clear. There are still parts that are steep. There are sometimes rocks and boulders, swamps or bushes, that I have to clear. But as I’ve embraced more belief in universal energy and leaned into my intuition, I have found that I can deal with it all. I’m able to move a bit more freely and quickly up the path, which somehow isn’t as steep as it once was.

In 2018, I became a life coach and began this business. I created Dream It, Do It, which is an amazing group workshop to help you time travel to find your innermost desires, then figure out how to start moving toward them in real life. And now, I have created Aligned Alchemy, a one-on-one coaching program that helps guide you through the process of clearing your own path through your private wilderness. It is drawn from life experience, coaching wisdom, and a believe in universal energy.

The Aligned Alchemy program works by helping you to get your thoughts and beliefs, emotions, actions, and material resources in alignment so that you are able to move with ease toward your dream goals. In Aligned Alchemy, we work with the four elements—air, water, fire, and earth—in both practical and metaphysical ways so that your energy is aligned, and you no longer sabotage yourself.

I would love to help you find what it is that calls to you, and help you find a way to make that happen. To clear those negative thoughts and vibrations so that you can move forward unencumbered.

If this sounds good to you, I would love to talk with you about creating some magic in your own life using my Aligned Alchemy coaching program. I am offering the program at the discounted price of $997 to the first three people who opt in.