Things you don't win a prize for
Here is a list of things that you don’t win a prize for:
You do not win a prize for putting as many things as possible on your to-do list.
There will always be more that you feel you could or should do. There will always be things left undone. On the day that you die, it is entirely likely that there will be things you didn’t finish or get around to.
In most cases, three is the magic number for things that you truly want to get to in any given day. And even then, the size of those tasks matter. Maybe they are three stops during errands: the bank, the post office, the grocery store. Or maybe it’s one big work task that won’t even get done in the day, plus two other things (eat healthy meals and pick up the kids at camp).
You don’t win a prize for putting 20 things on your list that cannot possibly be completed in one day, and you certainly don’t make your life better when you beat yourself up for not meeting an impossible goal.
Let enough be enough.
You do not win a prize for “powering through”.
Whether you are tired or sick or skipping meals so that you can get things done, there’s no prize coming for that. And likely no appreciation from others, or at least not at the level that will make up for the harm you do to yourself along the way.
You are not going to heal quickly or well if you push yourself to work while you’re ill. You may, in fact, end up protracting your illness while also not really getting your work done, in which case you are likely to beat yourself up on both counts. Who wins in that situation? (Hint: it’s not you.)
Refusing to get up to stretch, or take a brief break, or use the bathroom, or eat a meal is not going to help you finish whatever you are doing in the fastest or best matter. The science shows that breaks are good. And that denying your physical needs is bad.
Turning yourself into a cramped pretzel who is hangry and needs to pee so badly that you have to do the “scissors walk” to the bathroom? Yeah—no prize for that.
You do not win a prize for tolerating discomfort.
Whether your discomfort is physical or mental in nature, nobody is going to award you a medal for tolerating it.
If you’re denying yourself pain medication or something else that will make you feel physically better (a nap, a massage, a bath, a visit to the dentist, etc.), nobody is going to pop up to give you a prize for allowing yourself to remain in pain.
This is something I’m seeing with my mom, who has stage four cancer, and has decided not to pursue any sort of chemotherapy. She had tremendously low energy and no appetite, and was prescribed a low-dose steroid to help her on both counts, and the medication works. Only she decided on her own not to take it every single day, despite feeling awful on the days she was skipping. (That situation has been discussed and rectified.)
Not only does she not get a medal for that, she was legit making her life worse—and for what reason? Even she couldn’t fully articulate it.
The same goes for pain: She told the palliative care nurse that she is “good at dealing with pain.” Did she get a medal? No. The nurse made clear that nobody wants her to be in pain, and prescribed a low dose of a stronger pain med for when her Tylenol isn’t cutting it.
This goes for emotional or mental pain, too. Nobody who is a good person on this earth wants you to live life in pain. You don’t get a medal for “toughing it out” or “sucking it up.”
In the end, it all comes down to a few guiding principles:
Be kind to yourself.
Take care of yourself.
Be reasonable in your expectations of yourself.
Accept help when you can.
Life is hard. Make it easier for yourself wherever you can.
