Sometimes the enjoyment is in the planning
For the past two months or so, I’ve been planning an anniversary party for my parents, who are about to celebrate their 60th wedding anniversary.
Not an actual image from my upcoming party, but isn’t it pretty?
Planning a party can be involved, and stressful, and there has been plenty of that. What makes it stressful, of course, is a combination of the following factors, in no particular order:
So. Many. Decisions. Like, seriously. What day, what time, what place. Who will be invited. Should it be a surprise or not? What should the menu be? What do I want the place to look like? What decorations, if any? Where do I source all the things?
I want my parents to enjoy this celebration. So I wanted the people who were important to them to be there. Some of their friends who live far away can’t make it. My brother has decided he and his family aren’t attending. Letting go of that disappointment is hard.
Dealing with my parents can be a source of stress, if history is any indication of how things go. Nevertheless, it’s the right thing to do, and so I am doing it.
I can’t afford to do all of the things I’d actually like to do in the way I’d like to do them.
Despite the various causes of stress that go along with this upcoming event, here’s what I figured out.
I didn’t have to make all of the decisions at once. So I made sure to set aside a dinner date with my parents on their actual anniversary, and then to clear having people come to their house for a party the next day. First, it took care of the “where” and ensured they’d be comfortable in the space. Second, it made sure they wouldn’t up and leave town for their own celebration. Third, it put them on notice that there was a party.
Because I am taking care of all of the planning (and was 100% willing to take care of pre-party cleaning as well), what it means is that my parents can look forward to a party in their honor, without worrying about the work. If the majority of joy in a vacation is found in the anticipation of the event, I reasoned that them having a thing to look forward to would be way more fun for them than springing something on them.
I ordered 25 invitations after designing them on Canva, then started compiling a list of folks to invite. Some of them got immediate phone calls because of various known issues (family can be complicated). Once the invitations arrived, I was able to ask for addresses for people from my parents, so it was a good thing it wasn’t a surprise.
Then I had to plan the party. Again, so very many decisions.
In the end, I journaled one day about what it would look like if I had no budget restrictions. In which case, it would have beautiful table settings with gorgeous flowers everywhere, butlered hors d’oeuvres and champagne, china and glass for food, live music . . . (It was a more detailed vision than that, but you get the idea—very sparkling and pretty.)
And then I journaled about what I could realistically accomplish when all I could count on was Morris’s assistance. And you know what? I am fucking delighted at what will be. I ordered matching tablecloths for the two tables my folks own, so that thematically they will tie together.
I ordered flowers to be delivered on their anniversary, which I will put on the larger dining table, along with the platters of sandwiches from the local Publix grocery story and the amazing board of appetizers I ordered from Nosh Boards Charleston. The smaller table will get the cake (Publix - a plain white, round cake for which I bought a topper) and the dessert tray from Nosh Boards Charleston.
We purchased a very pretty metal tub to put beer and wine in (and tons of ice), and will use the “bar counter” that separates the kitchen from the great room for beverages. I just so happen to have 24 each of glass wine glasses and champagne flutes that we will take with us for the wine and prosecco we bought, but the food will be on paper plates, the cutlery will be plastic, and so will the small, clear soda cups.
What I learned
Even with the various uncertainties of the entire day, planning a party that is designed to give other people joy is actually fun. Allowing myself to dream of that ideal, “bigger, shinier” party was fun. Figuring out that I could come pretty damn close to it in many ways was a wonderful surprise.
And as the RSVPs rolled in, I got excited to see the relatives that I know are coming. (I love my Ramsdell family.) And I got to hear from those who aren’t, which is always nice. Plus the friends of my parents who are coming all sound pretty nice, and it will be good to meet several of them. And I get to see my older daughter, Sara, when in South Carolina, which is always a source of joy.
Checking things off the list? Also a massive source of relief, which sparks joy. The fact that I started planning for this event more than two months in advance so I had time to work through it all? Decidedly a good thing, especially when I lost almost two weeks to illness at the start of October.
Now all that’s left is the actual doing of things: the packing, the travel, the party stuff. All the reservations are made, and I have plenty of time to anticipate . . . which is where a lot of the pleasure comes from.
What are YOU planning between now and the end of the year?
Maybe it’s a birthday or anniversary. Maybe it’s a get-away or vacation. Maybe it’s something for the holidays.
Speaking of which, I am offering my ALL IS CALM program again this year to help you plan things and stay chill for the holiday season. No more burning yourself out at the end of the year. No more setting yourself on fire at both ends in order to create the perfect holiday. Instead, make this the year that you approach things more mindfully. That you set priorities and boundaries so that you can enjoy the holidays without becoming a martyr.
Look for more info on it next week, or click here to be put on the list so I can email you all the details as soon as they are ready!
