Apr 29

Apr 29 Moving into May, ready to live in less-interesting times

Has it been a slow-seeming year for you, or is it just me?

We are about to move into the fifth month of 2024, and I am finally starting to feel the slow tug of forward momentum. For the past several months, I’ve been considering and reconsidering a lot of things. I swear that some of it is mild “stuckness” due to managing my parents’ estate, but some of it has also been a call to go within.

I’ve spent lots of time figuring out what lights me up and what doesn’t. What I like and what I don’t. What I want my life to look like and what I want to be done with.

Fun fact: I want to be done with health issues, but they have been refusing resolution. My RA has been flaring, I’ve had a head cold for four weeks (finally seems to be on the way out), and now I have to have laparoscopic surgery to have my appendix out (due to a currently non-threatening issue found during my routine colonoscopy that could get ugly if not addressed).

Other fun fact: I have no firm idea what I want my life to look like. Despite trying, I’ve got no massive goal or dream(s) to chase at the moment.

It occurred to me as I started writing this post that part of the issue with not looking forward and making plans is the current sense of overwhelm I’m feeling about everything (the estate and my health, but also the current state of the world and its affairs).

Maybe you are feeling it too. There’s the world stuff, like the ongoing war in Ukraine and the issues involving Israel, Hamas, and the people trying to stay alive in Gaza.

There’s the national stuff, which here in the US involves campaigns and the first criminal trial of a former president. I know Canada has it’s own issues, as does the U.K.

There’s the local stuff, which could involve natural disasters (depending on where you live), due to recent earthquakes and tornadoes and storms, or could involve any neighborhood dispute.

And finally, and most importantly, there’s the personal stuff. For me, it’s health issues and handling my parents’ estate. For you, it could be your own or someone else’s health issue, or dealing with stuff at work. It might be that your kid or your pet is having an issue that is taking a lot of your time and energy. Or the prices at the grocery store (or anywhere else) are straining your household budget.

If you are feeling like the camel whose back is about to break if one more straw is added to your burden—or worse, you’ve already passed that point—then I hope you know that it’s not just you, and that you aren’t alone.

Here are three easy tools to help you reduce overwhelm.

Ground yourself. Seriously, it can be as easy as standing or sitting still for just a few seconds, taking a deep breath in through your nose, holding at the top for a couple beats, then exhaling in a whoosh out your mouth.
Bonus points if you put your hand on your chest to feel held/hugged/supported, or if you take three of these breaths in a row. Additional bonus points if you shake your arms and hands out afterwards to release additional tension.
I coached Maggie, my younger daughter, to do that on Saturday in the middle of her and her husband moving into their house. She is her mother’s daughter in many ways, which includes literally standing and spinning or pivoting back and forth when there are so many things to do and we are feeling overstimulated. Grounding breaths helped a lot.
Get a handle on what tasks you need to tackle. This could be as simple as a brain dump, which is described in this prior blog post. If listing out ALL the things you have to do feels too hard, pick one of the following: three things you have to do today, and three more that you have to do tomorrow OR a list in one category that is one your mind.
The first list might be a mishmash, but it’s the things that have to be done first/soonest, whether it’s grocery shopping or going to the bank or making an appointment. Just 3 each for today and tomorrow to get the most crucial things knocked off. You can always reassess tomorrow and write 3 for the following day as well, until you start to feel like you at least have a pool noodle to help you keep your head above water.
The second list might look like all the things you need to do to help a parent relocate to assisted living, or everything you have to do in your yard/garden, or a list of all your debts (what you owe to who, what the minimum payments are, etc.). Even if the task is something unpleasant, sometimes getting all the information together can help you feel less frightened.
Give yourself a break, and don’t expect yourself to be able to function at peak efficiency. Longtime readers will know that I enjoy discussing things like Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, which holds that unless your basic safety stuff is solid (shelter, food, water, sleep), you aren’t going to be able to manage higher functions exceptionally well (like connection, self-esteem, and self-actualization).
It’s okay to be not okay. It’s part of life, it happens to all of us from time to time, and feeling overwhelmed by things that are, frankly, overwhelming is entirely normal. There are still some things you can do to give yourself a break. They include: turning off the news, especially if you listen to a lot of pundits—they are there to keep you listening, and keep you riled up. It’s okay not to be riled up all the time. It’s okay to miss the news, too. So what if you aren’t up to the moment on knowing all the things? (Hint: you will never know ALL the things anyhow.)
Set timers for yourself on social media. Try to use it to interact with others, not just scroll. The more you scroll, the less it is “social” and the more it’s just noise. Try to avoid social media starting two hours before bed, so that (a) you aren’t forced awake by blue light from tech and (b) your mind has the ability to quiet down a bit.