Dearest Gentle Reader . . . some words for our current unsettled situation
In the past few days—in fact, since the Supreme Court’s outrageous decision on Monday granting the president the powers of a king—I have rewatched Season 3 of Bridgerton on Netflix. Twice.
That is certainly not the only disquieting development in the past few months, but it certainly felt significant. There are TONS of reasons to feel stressed-out and overwhelmed right now, and that is just based on recent news and our current political climate. When you add in any individual stressors (health stuff, caregiving, job stress, and more), it’s no wonder people are freaking the fuck out these days.
I find that in our current unsettled environment, where those who have been paying attention to politics are so downhearted as to be overwhelmed, and those who just started paying attention are alarmed (and possibly also overwhelmed), I have a series of thoughts that might be a bit helpful. At least, that’s my hope.
To start with, I would like a forehead kiss and a grilled cheese sandwich cut on the diagonal, along with a cup of tea like my grandmother used to make for me when I felt poorly and some assurance that all will be well.
Perhaps you would like that, or some version of that, as well.
Instead of reminding you that “no one is coming to save us”, which may be true but is unnecessarily harsh, I suggest the following: Give these things to yourself.
I can make myself a grilled cheese sandwich and a cup of tea. And if I do that in a mindful manner, while thinking about my Gramma Stewart (who made strong black tea with milk and sugar), then it is almost like having her here with me, despite her passing on more than 20 years ago.
I can ask my husband for a hug and a forehead kiss. Or I can gather up an afghan and my cat and curl up on the couch with a book. In a pinch, I can hug myself or rub my hands up and down my upper arms in a soothing fashion.
While I cannot assure myself or anyone else that everything will be all right, I can remind myself—and maybe you—that in this particular moment, this tiny sliver of time RIGHT NOW, even if it is only a split second—everything is okay.
How can that be, you ask?
Weirdly, I find that even when I am in tremendous pain from my fibromyalgia and/or rheumatoid arthritis, or from recovering from surgery or a biopsy (both of which I have done in the past six weeks), if you focus down to the tiniest sliver of time, there is a small instance (maybe less than a second, maybe several seconds in a row) in which there is no pain.
Maybe it is just for a moment, but when you find enough of those moments, it makes everything else far more tolerable.
It is rather like focusing on the split-second pause between the exhale and inhale (when you aren’t holding your breath at all), or the still point when one of those clacking balls hits the others and stops, before the other ball swings away. Looking for those tiny slivers of okayness can get you through quite a lot.
For another thing, I’d like not to be constantly inundated by bad news and panic.
This one is easier, in some ways, though it requires us to take deliberate actions that may be contrary to our current habits.
For one, stop watching the news. Note, I am not saying that you shouldn’t have some idea what’s going on in the world, but unless you truly have the ability to change things with your immediate action, it’s perfectly fine for you to take a break for a day, a week, or more. And of course, you can always read or listen to just enough that you know what’s going on without spending an hour or more of each day focused on things.
If you have a plan to vote, then that can be enough for right now, though of course contributing time or money to a campaign may be something you enjoy or feel called to do. Still, constant rumination over the news isn’t going to change anything or help your mental or physical health.
For another, reduce your time on social media. I’m not saying you can’t be on socials if it is something that is GOOD for you. Maybe you watch a lot of cat or dog videos, interact with other members of a fandom, or find things that make you laugh. Those are all great.
But being caught in an outrage loop (you know the type I’m talking about) isn’t going to make you feel better. It’s just going to suck up your time and energy and leave you feeling depleted. So perhaps it’s time to mute or unfollow the accounts that deliberately try to cause panic. And/or maybe it’s time to spend less time online in social media settings, and a bit more time doing something else.
Here’s a list of the “something elses” that I have been spending time with over the past few months, as I dealt with a variety of health challenges plus ongoing grief stuff:
jigsaw puzzles
crossword puzzles
sudoku
reading books—often in the form of re-reading books for comfort
watching Bridgerton (as mentioned)
live streaming Taylor Swift concerts from Europe
spending time on our patio (when the weather isn’t rainy or too damn hot)
watching and listening to birds
watching the lightning bugs in our back yard
knitting
crocheting baby blankets for Morris’s cousins
working on a bit of embroidery
decluttering various spaces in my home—usually 5 or 10 items per day in whatever room(s) I’m focused on
Hopefully one or more of these ideas helps you to find something that resonates for you. After all, we speak of a political climate, and it is indeed something similar to the weather: it exists, and there is little we can do about it at any moment. The best you can do is to be prepared where you can (whether it means packing an umbrella or planning to vote), and to focus on other things where you can, perhaps, be happy or make a difference.
To be honest, the patriarchy would very much like for you to be super upset and to use all your energy being upset so that you don’t have the ability to make progress or thrive. They are counting on you being so mad and sad that you give up.
The patriarchy is counting on you being so upset that you give up. Instead, make choices like those in this post that allow you to hold onto your humanity and your hope.
Do what you need to do to celebrate the good in life. To remain hopeful in defiance of world events. To remain confident that we can change this world for the better.
Remember: if other people want you to spend all your time and energy being mad, it’s because they have a vested interest in wearing you out, or because they have internalized the patriarchy so that they don’t even realize that’s what they are doing.
