5 Tips to Help You Through Our Troubled Times

If this were a TV-show or coming attraction, it would feature visuals and a dire voice-over listing off everything that is completely fucked up right now. You can skip to the next heading if the idea of reading the list stresses you out, but it would sound something like this:

• Ongoing COVID-19 issues, including people protesting masks and using de-worming medications used for livestock

• Afghanistan

• The upcoming 20-year anniversary of 9/11

• Hurricane Ida hitting New Orleans on the 15th anniversary of Hurricane Katrina

• Wildfires in the western U.S.

• Whatever local shit you may be dealing with (including the CA governor recall in September)

If you are on (or over) the edge of overwhelm these days, please know that you aren’t alone. We’ve all been living through a rolling traumatic time period, and our systems are easily overloaded. In fact, there’s a term for it (besides trauma and anxiety and stress): it’s something called “cognitive overload.” There is just too much for us to try to keep track of all at once, and it is overwhelming.

Below are some ideas on how you can help to restore some sense of control in your own life, and also how to quiet any anxiousness or panic that may be creeping up.

5 Tips to Help You Through Our Troubled Times

1. Be your own gatekeeper

In a number of Shakespearean plays, there is quite literally a gatekeeper, whether it’s Macbeth or Henry V or some other play. Or you can picture the guy in The Princess Bride who gives the keys to Westley, Inigo Montoya, and Fezzig.

In many of those plays, and in that movie, the gatekeeper is a somewhat comedic role. But their true purpose in life was to decide whether someone (or something) that was approaching was friend or foe, and to decide whether or not to let them in.

In the real world, you need to be your own gatekeeper. This could mean determining what and how much media you are willing to take in or consume.

For me, the images of the COVID wards, the 9/11 anniversary stuff, Afghanistan, the disasters in the south and west of our country . . . all of those are a bit too much for me to allow directly into my eyeballs. As my own gatekeeper, I’ve decided to take a break from some of the political TV that I typically enjoy, including taking a break from my TV girlfriend, Rachel Maddow.

With a 24-hour news cycle, the images are constantly streaming. As a highly sensitive person, it turns out that streaming them directly into my eyeballs causes them to continue playing inside my brain, and results in me feeling depressed and anxious.

Instead, I look at the news sideways through Twitter. I can click on a link to an article from somewhere reputable and read what I want, when I want, and I can drop any of it immediately if need be. This means that I run the risk of doom scrolling sometimes, because I keep refreshing for updates (on the hurricane, or what’s going on in Afghanistan or some other currently unfolding situation). But it prevents me from seeing and hearing the film footage, so it works for me.

Setting my phone down and/or stepping away from the computer also helps. If you find yourself constantly reaching for that dopamine hit you get by checking social media, then there are even apps that will turn off or limit your social media usage. This article from Business Insider rounds up several of them for you.

As I wrote in this previous post, you are allowed to take a break from the things that stress you out.

2. Talk to someone.

With so many of us feeling isolated, I think it’s important to remember—and to remind both you and me—that we can and should actually talk to other people in our life. It helps you to lower your anxiety and increase your feeling of connection. Here are a couple pointers on this one:

• Pick someone you trust, who will support you and your boundaries. If your mother is a terrible listener, then she may not be the person to call for this one. If your partner is the sort of person who feels they have to fix things for you, or gets upset that you are upset, then they may not be right, either.

• Let the other person know what you want out of the conversation. Do you want them to just listen to you vent and then offer you a hug (or the verbal equivalent)? Or do you want them to ask you questions to help you work through something? If you tell the other person up front what you want, you are more likely to get it.

• If you feel you need professional help, from a doctor, therapist, or other counselor, please get it. Pretty much nobody is “okay” these days, thanks to our current circumstances, so seeking assistance is a good idea if things are just too much. As I have shared before, you can call the SAMHSA hotline in the US to get a referral for professional help. Here’s that number: 1-800-663-4357. If you prefer to chat by text instead of on the phone, you can text HOME to 741741, which is the Crisis Text Line.

3. Establish a daily routine for your new normal.

One of the things that can make us feel out of control and, let’s face it, a bit frantic, is the fact that our feelings of “normalcy” have been shaken like a snow globe, and all the bits are flying about in new and unpredictable ways. If there will be such a thing as a “return to normal,”—and I frankly don’t believe there will be—it hasn’t arrived yet.

It’s my belief that instead of a return to the world that we knew and considered “normal” in 2019, we are in the process of working out what our global “new normal” looks like. It is complicated by the many people who are stubbornly clinging to their old normal, whether that’s patriarchal shit, white supremacy-related stuff, or refusals to adhere to valid health advice (since doing so would mean acknowledging that things have changed, and as we all know, we fear change).

The thing is, whether you view this “new normal” as a temporary state of affairs or as a permanent societal shift of some sort that isn’t yet clear, it can be disconcerting, or even frightening. What the hell are we supposed to do in this new world?

My thoughts on this are many, and may turn into an essay for another day. But to help yourself cope with this changing world, it can be super helpful for you to set up your own daily routine.

This could mean creating a sort of schedule for yourself, including what time you get up, when you go to bed, and how you want to prepare for a successful night’s sleep ahead of bedtime. You can read more about that starting here. Or if you prefer to reduce your screen time (always a good idea, frankly), you can buy my e-book, 12 tips to help you sleep.

It could also mean setting yourself up for success in other ways. Perhaps you are like me, and are finding yourself stressed out or overwhelmed at meal times. I suddenly realize it’s lunch time, and go to the fridge only to find that nobody has magically made and stored anything for me to eat. Or I think about fixing dinner and get overwhelmed. This has been the case for me for the past month or so, and I am positive it’s related to higher anxiety levels on my part. Anyhoo…

If this is the sort of thing that is bugging you, too, here are some things you might want to try. (I’m going with a sort of vague meal planning thing plus having some quick fix things on hand, fwiw.):

• meal planning in advance,

• rotating easy dinners depending on the night of the week (Monday is salad, Tuesday is tacos, Wednesday is a rotisserie chicken from the store plus two sides, etc.)

• ordering two pizzas next time you have one delivered, so you can separate the second one and freeze slices for those nights when you have no idea what to do

• scheduling meal delivery from one of the many at-home services

• batch cooking on the weekend or some other day of the week, then refrigerating or freezing for the week

I have also heard from friends who are feeling more scattered in their everyday lives. Many of them have had to return to working outside of their homes, and the stress from that is making them more forgetful than usual. In that case, creating checklists for yourself and hanging them (or keeping them in a notebook) where you can easily see/find them may help. Whether it’s reminders to do household chores, or packing your bag each day when you leave for work, a checklist can be your friend.

I’ve created this simple downloadable printable to get you started.

4. Take up new practices that sustain you.

This isn’t so much a new routine as it is a new thing that brings you joy. Maybe it’s adding spontaneous dance breaks into your day to boost your mood and reduce your stress. (It turns out that physically shaking can actually help dispel stress and trauma, so Taylor Swift was onto something when she recorded Shake It Off.)

Maybe you want to do jigsaw puzzles or learn how to do Sudoku. Maybe you want to get yourself a coloring book and some crayons (or markers, or colored pencils). Maybe you want to play video games. Or learn how to bake pies. Or make blanket forts.

Whatever it is, choose a new practice that sustains you while helping you to feel safe.

5. Double down on your essential self-care.

I’m not talking bubble baths and pedicures, although those are excellent, too.

Here’s what I mean:

I highly recommend that you double down on the stuff that is at the base of the pyramid when you see a depiction of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

Just as you are the gatekeeper for yourself, you are also your own caretaker. Maybe (like me) you didn’t have parents who were especially nurturing in some of the ways you might have preferred. Well, friend—it’s all you now. You are the one who is coming to save yourself, and it’s okay for you to take care of your physical equipment in the ways that a good parent might take care of a child.

• Nutrition

  That means making sure you have enough to eat, and that you are eating relatively well (whatever that means to you). I mean things like getting enough protein, fiber, and nutrients into yourself. I’m 100% fine with you eating boxed mac & cheese as long as that isn’t your diet 24/7, but your standards may be different than mine.

• Hydration

  Yep. It means you are drinking enough water. And by water, I mean “liquids that count toward hydration.” It doesn’t just have to be water.

• Sleep

  Do what you can to put yourself to bed at a decent time, and defend your sleep. If that means you need a nap, take a nap. If it means reducing tech or not watching TV before bed, reduce tech or avoid the TV.

• Exercise

  I know, I know. Think of it as “moving your body". Our bodies are not designed to sit still all day, so move yours around in a way that feels good to you, or at least in a way that you can tolerate. Even if it’s just to shake it off with the video above. I’m not a fitness guru, and I’m not gonna tell you what to do, but I will say that all the experts agree that small amounts sprinkled throughout the day add up. And that only 150 minutes per week of moderate exercise can be enough.

I’ve got two e-books that might help you

And they are on sale. 12 Tips to Help You Sleep is $10; Lower Your Anxiety is $15. Or you can get both for $22.

Sending you a ton of light and love, and hoping that this blog post is useful.