Talk about your anxiety
It sounds so simple, but it can feel—and be—a bit complicated to talk about anxious feelings, because so many of us have been raised to “keep a stiff upper lip”, or to “gut things out.” Worse, a lot of us have been raised to believe that “anxiety = crazy,” which is an adjunct to “crazy = bad.”
I call bullshit on that sort of thinking. I don’t believe in those equations, and I don’t think you should, either.
Nor do I think that sucking it up, keeping things to yourself, denying that you have negative emotions and so forth leads to anything good. In my experience, it leads to isolation and further complications when the thing we are trying to keep a lid on invariably blows up or boils over.
Let’s first talk a bit about what anxiety is not. It is not a moral failing. It is not a lapse in judgment. It is not an overreaction. It is not unusual, uncommon, or unnatural.
Anxiety is a natural function. It’s a normal human reaction to outside experiences, and it is one of the things that has kept the human species alive through the centuries. It is a stress response, related to “fight or flight.” It is useful when it occurs in response to potential real-life threats.
Where anxiety becomes problematic is when we humans get stuck inside it. It is almost like being caught in a never-ending spiral: we think about what makes us anxious, which makes us more anxious, so we think about it more, which makes us more anxious. All that spinning causes our bodies to release stress hormones that interrupts sleep, disrupts our health in other ways, and makes us feel on edge.
Currently, the novel coronavirus that causes Covid-19 is creating a lot of anxiety among many, or possibly most, of the human population. And the thing is, it isn’t one huge trigger, but rather a millipede-like thing triggering thousands of anxieties.
Moreover, as we learn more about the virus itself, it doesn’t actually calm us down, because we keep getting new information (some true, some speculative, some false), and we have to sift through it to find out what to believe, and THAT makes us anxious as well. So if you are feeling anxious, please know that feeling anxiety right now is completely understandable and—dare I say—normal.
One of the most useful things you can do when you feel anxiety or other forms of fear is to talk to someone about your feelings.
talk to someone about your feelings
When I say “talk to someone about your feelings,” I don’t mean “explain your particular anxieties and get them to join you in freaking out” so much as telling someone if you are feeling overwhelmed or incapacitated by anxiety or stress. Tell your partner if you have one, or a friend, or a doctor.
Tell the other person what is bothering you. Sometimes just saying things out loud is enough to diminish their hold over your emotions. Knowing that someone else shares your concern can be affirming, and can make you feel less anxious as well. Also, it’s entirely possible that if a particular concern is causing your anxiety, the other person’s perspective on it might help you to release that anxiety.
As an example, if you are worried that someone is not taking things seriously and might be putting themselves at risk, which is causing you worry and stress, talking with that person and finding out that they are, in fact, taking appropriate steps to protect themselves would completely put that fear to rest, right? Or finding out that other people share your concern, but have information that relieves some of your anxiousness, can be truly useful.
This goes for all sorts of other concerns, including economic, job-related, health-related, and other risks. But you won’t be able to get that perspective without a conversation. Maybe the other person has access to information you aren’t aware of that can allay your fears.
Also, if needed, be prepared to tell the person you are talking with what sort of support you would like in dealing with it.
Do you want emotional support? If so, make that known. Ask them to reassure you that they are there with you and for you, as part of a team.
Do you want concrete, practical support? If so, let them know that you would like help diverting your attention, or breaking things into manageable chunks, or brainstorming possible next steps or solutions.
Do you just want to share your concerns, but want no advice or support, just a sounding board? Be sure to tell them that before you start. And be prepared to remind them that you aren’t asking for advice.
Finally, if the person you are talking with about your anxiety suggests that you might benefit from professional help, do yourself a favor and consider it. I get that many of us were raised in a time when mental health issues were (and still are, in places) stigmatized, but you won’t find negative judgment here with me. Your mental health is related to your brain and body functions, and just as you would go to a doctor or other practitioner for assistance with physical issues, mental health issues are no different.
Trained counselors can offer you a wide array of options in managing or treating your anxiety. These include coping tools that might work for you, from biofeedback to relaxation exercises to breathing exercises to medications.
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