How do you most want to feel?
The other day, when I sat down to write this blog post, I was coming up blank. Worse than that, I was coming up frustrated, largely because I was overhearing my husband Morris on the phone with the cable company, and his frustration fed mine.
I remembered a box of “matchsticks” that I had purchased a couple years ago at Lahaska Bookshop. The box is made by Chronicle Books, if you are interested, and come in Spark Balance, Spark Creativity, Spark Romance, Spark Happiness, Spark Adventure, and many more.
They aren’t actual matches—instead, they are long cardboard sticks (made to look like matches) that each contain one of “50 ways to be present and find focus,” in the case of my Spark Balance box.
I should note that I pulled all the “matches” out of the box to select one, and this one legit fell out of my hand.
“Write about how you most want to feel.”
Thanks, Universe. Message received.
How I most want to feel.
One of the things I’ve been doing of late is visualizing my future self, as I mentioned in last week’s blog post. There are some clear parts of that vision, and many of them have to do with how I feel in that particular scene.
If that vision is what I most want for my future self—and truly, I think it is—then I most want to feel at ease, content, grounded, abundant, loving and loved, relaxed, and quietly confident.
Every time I engage in my visualization, I get more details: the sun on my face, the breeze in my hair, the deep feeling of satisfaction in that moment, having my family with me in a time and place where it feels—for that moment—that all is right with the world.
Every time I engage in my visualization, I experience those feelings. I feel the contentment that comes with having my husband, children, and others around me. I feel relaxed and at ease. I feel grounded in that time and place, and abundant for having been able to bring it about.
I suppose this is about the power of visualization, in part, which is something you can experience yourself if you join me next week for Dream It, Do It.
But it is also something you can experience for yourself if you take a few minutes to sit and think it through.
Here’s how to do it:
First, grab a notebook or piece of paper and something to write with. Think about how you most want to feel in your life. If nothing comes up for you at first, you can also write down how you do feel right now. Keep the things you like, but if there are things on your list of how you currently feel that you do not like, think about how you’d like to change it.
Would you like to be less reactive? Would you prefer to feel more relaxed or rested? To feel more motivated or excited? Write it all down.
Go for what you want MORE of in all cases, and write it that way whenever you can. It can take a bit of brainstorming. So instead of “less stressed” you might want “more relaxed” or “more rested” or “more supported”. Instead of “less reactive”, write “more calm” or “more balanced” or “more stable”.
Remember that we are complex beings, so you can want to feel more excited at the same time that you want to feel more relaxed. As Walt Whitman wrote, we contain multitudes.
“Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes.) ”
Next step: Once you know how you want to feel, do your best to put yourself into that headspace or heartspace.
Want to snap at your family less when they ask “what’s for dinner?” (It is an entirely maddening question for many women, so if this is also you, you aren’t alone.)
Decide how you’d prefer to feel, besides attacked or challenged or inadequate or frustrated or angry (or a combination of some or all of the above).
Figure out if you can feel differently by simply choosing it. Can you take a deep breath before you respond? Count to 10 before you answer?
Figure out whether there is some other action you can take to address things. Put a menu on the refrigerator door like it’s the school lunch menu and point at it? Tell your partner or kids or whoever is upsetting you how you feel when they ask what they do, when they do and brainstorm ways to make things less awful?
What I’m doing to start feeling the way I most want to feel:
daily visualization
gratitude journaling to feel more abundant
mindfulness or meditation to feel more grounded
increasing my self-care so I feel more peace and ease
talking to my husband and kids more regularly so we feel more bonded
I’d love to help support you in finding your vision, and in figuring out how to make it real. It’s one of the things I do as a life coach with one-on-one clients. It’s also the point of Dream It, Do It, which is a three-hour workshop coming up on February 5th in the evening and again on February 6th in the afternoon. Pick the session that works for you, meet me and other attendees on Zoom, and we will visualize the future, capture it through guided journaling and creation of a vision board, select one or more goals to help you get there, and work out the first 1-3 steps toward your goal(s). The cost of the workshop alone is $97, or you can choose the VIP option for $247, which includes the workshop plus three months of one-on-one accountability coaching.
