Happy birthday to me!
What I learned when I dedicated the whole month to celebrating myself and my 58th birthday.
The month of April just ended, so this week, I thought I’d share my thoughts about what I learned from celebrating my birthday for a whole month.
My birthday was on the 1st of April, but this year, I decided to celebrate my birthday all month. Every single day.
The idea was inspired by my friend Theresa in Texas, who did something similar for herself in January, and by other friends who declare a week or more as their birthday festival.
The back story
I’ve had some pretty shitty birthdays over the past several years. In 2019, I was in South Carolina, away from my husband, while helping my father to recover from esophageal surgery. It was a fraught, difficult time, not just because of my dad’s cancer, but because I was living with my parents, and that’s not always a comfortable situation at the best of times.
The visit included two emergency hospital trips on top of the planned care and keeping of him and his feeding tube. My mother is the sort of person who you would love if you met her, but she tends to lash out at her husband and kids in odd ways when she’s upset. As you might expect, she was upset a lot back then.
The only thing that made that birthday good was the fact that I was able to go out to dinner in Charleston with my older daughter, Sara, who treated me to wonderful drinks and dinner and even brought me a HUMONGOUS gift bag containing a new capsule wardrobe she’d purchased for me.
Flash forward to April of 2020, which was, as you may recall, the beginning of everything changing due to COVID. I had been scheduled for a procedure in February to remove some irregular tissue from my duodenum. The tissue was weird, and didn’t belong there, and was starting to degrade in a way that meant it was thinking about turning into cancer.
Things went awry with scheduling, and I got pushed to March. My doctor had been away at a conference and had to quarantine when he returned, so it got pushed to the end of March. Even though the hospital was stopping elective surgeries, I met the exception and mine was allowed to go through because of the possible cancer risk.
The doctor was hoping it could be outpatient, though we knew I might have to stay over, depending on how things went, so at least I’d brought a bag. For surgery. The day before my 56th birthday.
On the one hand: Happy birthday to me! I had the rogue tissue removed, and (luckily) it turned out we caught it before it turned cancerous. On the other, I did have to stay in the hospital for two days. During the very start of the first ever COVID surge. So I wasn’t allowed any visitors.
Due to my surgery, I also wasn’t allowed any solid food. So my birthday meal was inedible broth, sugar-free jello, and water ice. I legit ate the water ice and that was it.
I am aware that it could all have been so very much worse, but spending your birthday isolated in a hospital room without food or visitors still sucked.
Last year, 2021, was better since at least I was home. I was able to celebrate with Morris in person for the first time in three years. But the day still felt flat, partly due to the ongoing pandemic and partly due to me wanting it to be a wonderful day and it feeling like, well, just any other day.
This year
Inspired by people who make their birthdays into a bigger deal, I opted to do the same. In February and throughout March, I thought about what would delight me for my birthday celebrations. For a brief, shining moment, a trip was even on the table, but then Morris was diagnosed with a-fib and that had to be deferred.
I started buying and planning things for my birthday. I bought a LEGO set that I wanted, and which I’d promised myself I would order when it came back in stock. I bought some new jigsaw puzzles, a favorite pastime since before the pandemic.
I got myself a face mask and a foot “mask”, which I finally used this weekend. I got some wee plates and napkins at Target that delight me, since they have a birthday alpaca on them. And I got some sidewalk chalk and a small rainbow piñata that is more of a decoration than a functional object.
I signed up for an online coaching conference that I wanted to attend, too. Since it was a birthday gift, I sprang for the VIP option and got a box full of swag just for signing up.
I made myself cupcakes on my birthday because they were what I most wanted, and we bought a small birthday cake from the store the day after Passover ended because it was super cute, and why not have more cake?
What I learned
By celebrating myself and my birthday throughout the entire month of April, it took all the pressure off of my actual birthday. So when that Friday rolled around, and I didn’t really feel like ordering in dinner (we still aren’t eating in restaurants just yet), I was happy to cook for us. I even baked my own celebration cupcakes, even though Morris offered to pick up a small birthday cake.
That day, I watched as greetings rolled in on social media and fielded some phone calls. It didn’t matter that some birthday cards were late, or that dinner with my younger daughter Maggie and her boyfriend wasn’t until after my birthday, because it was a month-long celebration.
Presents and occasions to celebrate are welcome at any time!
Each day last month, I have done something that is part of celebrating myself and my birthday. Maybe it’s assembling a jigsaw puzzle or a LEGO project. Maybe it’s reading a book. Maybe it’s taking myself out to the new coffee place for a honey lavender latte. Or picking up a small cake at the store just because.
What I know is that it has boosted my mood throughout the month, while at the same time making the actual day of my birthday feel less pressure-filled.
Only now do I realize how in past years, I set myself up for disappointment with unvoiced expectations and anticipation of a “magical day” that never came to pass. With a full month to celebrate, it turns out to be okay if people didn’t (or couldn’t) drop everything on April 1st just to observe my birthday. The entire month of April was dedicated to celebration.
The key lessons (so far)
Happiness is an inside job. Other people can’t “make” you happy; it’s your chosen response or reaction to circumstances. So set up some circumstances that are conducive to you feeling happy about them.
If you know for sure that you want a bit of hoopla, schedule your own hoopla! Order flowers for yourself, buy a cake, get the tickets to that thing you want to go to . . .
You are worthy of celebration, just as you are. Are you a work in progress? Are you (possibly) a bit of a mess? SO FUCKING WHAT? Celebrate yourself, boo! You are awesome, even before you finish “fixing yourself up.”
Small moments of delight on a daily basis do wonders for your mood and your mind. For real. Deliberately seeking them out as part of a celebration really helped ensure I did it.
Above are some of the delights I celebrated: me in a birthday crown from my friend Becca; my birthday cupcakes; one of three jigsaw puzzles I finished in April; one of the three new books I read; one image of the Assembly Square LEGO build that I did, my wee cake, with roses too; a beautiful honey lavender latte from Bison Coffee; a gift from my coach for signing up for the conference; me blowing a kiss at the end of an online burlesque class during the conference; another of my jigsaw puzzles; and me enjoying my new favorite tea (Fortnum and Mason Royal Blend! Who knew?).
This year, I am working to embrace the energy of the Empress Card in the tarot deck. She is all about abundance and earthly comforts. About embracing beauty and joy, about love and fulfillment, about delighting in all those good sacral chakra vibes like creativity and sensuality/sexuality.
The Empress is an earthy card, depicting a confident woman who delights in her life. Next week, I have a post all about that card, and how it inspired my new coaching package to help you jettison your inner mean girl (or at least quiet that voice and its criticisms down to a whisper).
In the meantime, I hope you will consider celebrating YOUR birthday for a full month when your day comes. And if this year’s date has already passed, it’s never too soon to start planning for your month-long birthday festival! Besides, remember that last point: daily delights will do wonders for you! Choose a small delight today!
