Deadlines and commitments; what to leave in, what to leave out
And yes, I’m quoting lyrics from “Against the Wind” from Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band.
The noise is already starting about the end of the year, and the end of a decade. People who want to sell you things will be trying to make you feel you haven’t done enough of whatever it is, relying on making you feel kind of bad about yourself so they can sell you whatever it is: a weight loss plan, some sort of courses, a new gym membership, a pair of running shoes or yoga pants . . .
The implication will be that you are behind. You aren’t “giving it your all.” What they will be implying (or saying outright) is that you are not enough.
The holiday noise is starting as well, telling you you need a fancy new car (as if that is a logical holiday gift for anyone, and how are you supposed to afford presents for other people if you spend all your money on a luxury car or a fancy new pickup truck?). Or you need the latest game system, tech purchases, subscriptions, toys, etcetera . . .
The implication will be that you don’t have all the right “stuff” to create happiness for yourself or your loved ones. You need to have the shiny dress, the top-shelf alcohol, the new jewelry, and more.
What they will be implying is, again, that you are are not enough.
I’m here to tell you that’s all a bunch of lies created to make you feel badly, so that you can be persuaded to buy something to “fix” it.
You are enough, just as you are.
It is okay if you don’t have everything 100% in place in your life. It’s okay if you have life goals that are still off in the distance. It’s okay if you had hoped to reach a goal before the end of this decade and it’s not looking like you’re going to make it.
It is all okay, girlfriend.
Things happen along the way—detours and derailments, changes in plans or schedules. That is a simple fact of life, and it’s something we all deal with.
At present, I am dealing with a year full of unforeseen health stuff. I spent most of the first half of the year helping my parents deal with my dad’s esophageal cancer and helping my brother’s family deal with a health issue with my older nephew.
I’ve spent the second half of the year dealing with my own health stuff: a false positive on a Hep C test led us to an ultrasound of my liver, which is fine thanks, but it also led to us discovering that my gallbladder needed to come out, so out it came. A routine endoscopy turned up a really weird situation in my duodenum that we now need to chase down and have removed (hopefully just the weirdness, not my duodenum).
I could be upset, because I am “behind” in creating content for you, but instead I choose to believe that I’m right where I should be just now. Which means that this latest virus I caught during my vacation as I’m waiting for appointments with specialists arrived just when it should have, too. Those deadlines and commitments I’d made for myself? Well, they will have to wait.
The kickass program I’d wanted to put together to allow you all to make your holidays more enjoyable will be a next-year thing (assuming that all is well once my health is tackled). The new programs can wait to be created and launch until my health is back on track.
And the same is true for whatever you may be dealing with.
It’s okay to prioritize your health and sanity, and I hope that by sharing what’s been going on with me, you will see that I’m here, trying to model that behavior for you. It’s okay to reassess your deadlines, and to push back the ones that aren’t going to work for you. It’s okay to look at your commitments and to let some or all of them go, in order to make space for yourself.
It’s fine to keep the Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, and New Year traditions that you love and that bring you comfort and joy, just as it is okay to abridge things if those traditions don’t make you happy. That could mean changing the menu for a holiday meal, altering what decorations you hang (if any), going away for a holiday instead of staying home (or vice versa), cutting down on the number or type of presents you give, and more.
With Thanksgiving just over a week away in the United States, I hope you will take some time this week to think through what you want to do for yourself this holiday season. Maybe it is using a grocery delivery service, or purchasing a catered meal from the supermarket. Maybe it is making only two batches of cookies instead of 10, or skipping the outside lights this year. Maybe it’s opting for experiences/tickets instead of packages as holiday gifts, or giving everyone three presents instead of trying to create mountains under the tree.
Whatever it is, I hope you will assess all those deadlines and commitments, and decide what to leave in, and what to leave out. And remember that the turn of the calendar page each month is just a manmade construct, and doesn’t have meaning in and of itself. That’s true whether we are at the end of a month or at the end of a calendar year.
Each day is a new beginning. It’s okay to begin NOW by making conscious choices for yourself, and not worrying so much about when you finish, or what you’ve “always” done.
