What if your new habit sucks?
I am still building my habit of becoming a person who journals every day.
Since beginning the new habit (or assuming my new identity) a few weeks ago, I’ve “missed” two days. There have also been occasions where I’ve journaled more than once. So I am enjoying working it out, and am interested in continuing this new journaling habit.
Until August 21st, I will still be sending extra support to folks who want to join me in building a new habit. That includes free group coaching. The next session will be this Tuesday, July 26th at 1 pm EDT.
Whether you are already building a new habit or not, and whether you’ve got a current issues you need help with or not, you are invited to join me. Just comment below or shoot me an email using the contact form and I’ll get the Zoom link to you!
What if your new habit sucks?
Sometimes, we choose a new habit to develop, and it’s something we truly despise.
If it’s truly optional (such as journaling), then by all means, STOP.
But if you are doing something for medical or health reasons—say you’re trying to bring your A1C down, or lower blood pressure, or improve digestion or hydration, or improve any part of yourself (mental, dental, skin, hair, fitness) . . . then maybe you need a reframe.
I’m thinking right now of someone I love, who is dealing with a flare of ulcerative colitis, and needs to eat a restricted diet to help it calm down. She is pissed that her body has betrayed her, sad that she isn’t feeling well, and resentful about the fact that she has a chronic condition that means she is no longer “normal.”
I’m thinking, too, of a friend who is pre-diabetic, and is unhappy about having to reduce her carb intake. She identifies as a baker, and now most of her favorite things are off-limits. She is upset because baking was her happy place, and now it feels unsafe—and when she does bake, she has to bake what she considers “inferior” goods or else forego eating much of her output.
If your new habit is imposed on you, it’s natural to resent it.
In those cases, it is easy to feel conflicted, since the change is being imposed on you, and isn’t something you’d truly choose for yourself.
Any time you are trying to force a new habit on yourself that is something you actively resist, you are going to be miserable.
“Any time you are trying to force a new habit on yourself that is something you actively resist, you are going to be miserable.”
So what do you do if you’ve decided to adopt a new habit, and it’s not one that you would have chosen for yourself?
First, go ahead and mourn, or rage. Or both.
Because recognizing that the situation sucks, or is out of your control, or is upsetting, is actually the smart move. Don’t try to gaslight yourself into believing that it’s no big deal (especially if there is a diagnosis you’ve been given or are trying to avoid).
You’re not going to be able to logic yourself out of feeling upset, so allow the emotions to wash through. If you find it too much of a struggle, or if you are feeling stuck in an unhappy or bad spot, please reach out for help (either here or elsewhere).
Second, be kind in how you talk to yourself about it.
If you are feeling like your body has betrayed you in some way, then even if you are trying to be compliant within your new limitations, then of course you are still in mourning. And part of that might include anger and fear and a bunch of other stuff.
One thing that might help is to parent your internal tantrum-thrower. Thinking or saying things like “It’s okay to be upset about this, but we also have to take care of you” can be a help.
I guarantee that telling yourself to suck it up and/or quit whining isn’t going to make things any better. It will just make you feel more unhappy . . . and what’s the point in being unhappy?
Instead, give yourself a lot of love and support. Speaking kindly to yourself will help. Doubling down on your self-care in other areas will help. In all cases, reducing stress will help.
Third, bribe yourself if you have to.
Yeah, you heard me right.
If you are reducing sugar or carbs in order to reduce your A1C, then rewarding yourself with cake or pie might not be the best move, but maybe reward yourself with a nice (low-carb) meal at a favorite restaurant. If you are stuck eating a low-fiber, low-fat, low-fun limited diet (the one for UC is essentially “bananas, white rice, applesauce, canned fruit, overcooked veggies, and salmon”), then maybe reward yourself with something like a massage, or a day at the beach, or something entirely not food-related.
I’d love to hear if you are working on a new habit, and if you hate yours. You are invited to sign up for the “building a new habit” list here to get extra support, including the Zoom link for free coaching sessions. (There are at least two between now and August 21st!)
