The "Why" and "How" of Persistence: a guest post by Cindy Kolbe
I met Cindy Kolbe at a writing workshop several years ago now, and was immediately taken with her kindness and her desire to make more than lemonade with the lemons she’d been handed. Cindy has a decided presence to her. While quiet, she is determined. She is not little, but she is fierce. Devoted to her family, determined to share her truth, and fiercely kind.
Cindy had a book come out earlier this year, entitled Struggling With Serendipity. The cause of her struggle is obvious, once you read a bit of her story, and I hope that you will enjoy the guest post she drafted for you:
The “Why” and “How” of Persistence
I was taught at an early age that persistence is important, but many years passed before I understood why—or how. I did well in school without really trying. I didn’t have big dreams, and I didn’t push myself beyond my comfort zone. As an adult, I managed group homes and taught literacy at an institution before my ordinary life changed with extraordinary circumstances.
My youngest daughter Beth was 14 years old when I fell asleep at the wheel late at night, just five minutes from home. I walked away from the crash, and she hasn’t walked since. Beth was paralyzed from the chest down, quadriplegic. I learned all about persistence from her.
The night of the accident, I watched her accept her injury and focus on how to gain back the independence she had completely lost. It was an overwhelming experience for both of us. I struggled with depression as a 24/7 caregiver.
We learned that it would take months and years for her to strengthen the impaired muscles in her arms and shoulders. An able-bodied person could strengthen muscles in a few weeks with occasional workouts. For Beth, intensive therapy and extensive effort over the first few weeks in rehab yielded no results. I’m certain I would have given up by then. I watched as she pushed herself to exhaustion every day, even on weekends when she didn’t have physical therapy. She wasn’t afraid to fail and did so frequently. Her unlikely goal of complete independence was crystal clear; it was this “why” that facilitated the “how” of her incredible persistence.
Fast-forward four years, to Beth being completely independent in her self-care as a freshman at Harvard and competing around the world on the US Paralympic National Swimming Team. Unlike Beth, I couldn’t find a powerful “why” to fuel the “how” of my persistence—in anything. Until . . .
Ten years after Beth’s injury, I suddenly felt compelled to write about our incredible experiences. The more I wrote, the more I realized the potential of our story to help others. I faltered in the process early on and doubted my ability to tell the story properly. At a workshop, writer friends encouraged me to continue, including my friend Kelly of “Actually, I Can.” (Thanks, Kelly!)
In 2010, I started a biography about Beth for young adults. Then I changed it to my first-person perspective, but it didn’t include much about me. I gradually dug deeper and added emotion to authenticate the narrative.
I had so much to learn about publishing. I started querying agents too early; I thought that a publishing house would help me improve the manuscript. I realized that I first needed to make the manuscript better. So, I spent days and months and years on the computer.
The first rejections were painful. I was tempted to give up, but a good friend pushed me forward. The next round of rejections? Not as painful. Along the way, an agent told me that I needed a platform before she would consider representation. I thought that if I created a platform and then contacted that agent again, she would offer me a contract. I worked hard to publish articles, start a blog, and create a social media presence. I contacted that agent again—and chalked up another rejection. Back to square one.
Some of the new agents I contacted made requests for a full manuscript, which was encouraging. Then a discouraging moment, when a relative asked, “You’re STILL working on that?” Even so, by then I had made the full commitment to seeing my book in print and not self-published. My husband supported my efforts, and I’m grateful that I was able to write full-time.
I internalized a compelling “why” of persistence about my memoir. I knew that I was going to make it happen, sometime, somehow. Not only for me, but to share the power of hope and connection with others. My “why” was firmly planted, so the “how” of persistence kept me very busy and focused. I ventured out of my comfort zone to do podcasts, radio shows, public speaking, more articles, and social media. I also volunteered for national nonprofits and connected with disability and mental health communities. I revised the manuscript and submitted queries.
Over three years, I queried 56 literary agents and a few publishers. Eight years after I began to write, an “extremely interested” agent mentioned a contract, though she wouldn’t have time to work with my book for months. In September of 2018, a new small press offered me a publishing contract. A few months after my 60th birthday, I signed with the small press. My memoir, Struggling with Serendipity, was published in April of 2019.
Since April, I have presented workshops at Abilities Expos in Boston, Chicago, and San Francisco as part of my coast-to-coast book tour. My latest news? A Netflix producer booked flights to Washington, DC, to meet with me and Beth. The producer is bringing a contract to option my book for a movie.
I learned so much from my tenacious daughter. Persistence allowed me to be brave enough to dream big. It allowed me to move out of my comfort zone, and work hard to make things happen. The theme of my book says it all: If you never give up? Hope wins.
You can find Cindy Kolbe at her website, Struggling With Serendipity, on Facebook, on Twitter, and on Instagram.
You can purchase Cindy’s book, Struggling With Serendipity, online wherever books are sold. Cindy is offering a deal on signed copies on her site for the holidays, so if you want to read this marvelous work, get yours now!
