Four steps to a calmer holiday season
It’s November, friends.
Diwali begins today. If you celebrate, then I am wishing you a Diwali that brings happiness prosperity and joy to you and all your family!
Thanksgiving arrives later this month, on the 25th. It’s the 400th anniversary of the first Thanksgiving, and while I love the gathering and giving thanks, thinking about the actual Pilgrims in Plimoth makes me a bit queasy, knowing what was to come. (Don’t @ me about this, I am a descendant of TWO different passengers on the Mayflower, and I know enough of my family tree to be sickened by what some of them did during “King Philip’s War.”)
Putting aside any social consciousness, just the preparation for this holiday can be A LOT. I am super happy for those of you who are getting together with extended family this year, and slightly sorry that Morris’s clan is not gathering this year, though we have high hopes for 2022.
Here in the United States, the stores are already filling with Christmas decorations and blaring Christmas carols at shoppers. Don’t believe me? Check out all the photos on social media of empty Halloween sections in major stores that are already being filled with Christmas.
Even as you begin your preparations for Thanksgiving, the stores are ready to sell you Christmas. The news is full of reports about shortages this year (included in there are “turkeys”, along with lots of other things, including electronics of all sorts and many imported things that you might not expect, including clothing, toys, and more).
This is the year that we get “holiday stress” topped with “pandemic stress” topped with “supply chain shortage stress.”
If it feels like everything is a lot, then you are right. And you are not alone.
The usual holiday stuff—which includes remembering those lost during this season in years past, shorter days and less sunlight in general, the weight of other people’s expectations and desire to make people happy without knowing precisely how to do it—has added layers on top this year, either of which is stressful in its own right.
There’s the supply chain shortages, which includes gasoline (that’s why the prices are up - it’s a worldwide issue) and things shipped to the USA from India, China, and elsewhere (production delays over there, limited shipping container availability driving up prices, limited dock and trucking labor affecting delivery and prices further). It helps me a little to understand why things are the way the are, which is why I share that here, but it doesn’t fix a damn thing. It’s frustrating, and there’s no quick fix on the horizon.
And, of course, there is the ongoing pandemic, which is still a thing, though of course how much of a thing it is depends on whether you and yours are vaccinated, on your local health systems and public health requirements, and on whether you are worried about catching or passing along the virus or not.
How is one to have a calmer holiday season, given the current situation?
If this were a humor column, I might write something like “pack your bags, check yourself into a spa for a month, and don’t give it a second thought.” As if it could possibly be that simple, even if such a thing were possible for most of us.
I have come up with four steps to help you simplify your holidays and have a calmer holiday season. These are the four pillars of the ALL IS CALM program that I’ve developed.
I truly just want to help as many folks as possible, so while you will get far more detail, support, and guidance if you sign up for the program, which begins on November 21st, I want to be clear about what those four steps are.
The first step is to ENVISION what it is you want from each of the upcoming holidays that you celebrate.
If you are in a blended marriage and live in the US, that might mean deciding what you most want to experience or get out of Thanksgiving, Chanukah and Christmas,. Or for Friendsgiving and New Year’s Eve, if that’s what you do. Or for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Kwanzaa and New Year’s, if that is your jam. (And yes - I get that Christmas, Kwanzaa, and New Year’s run together or overlap. But your vision for each of those holidays might differ—for instance, you may desire a spiritual Christmas, a meaningful, social Kwanzaa, and a completely lit New Year’s Eve.)
Figure out what part of each holiday is most important to you. It could be family, faith, food, decorating, parties, gift-giving, ritual, charity, or something else.
Once you have figured out what part is most important or meaningful to you, see whether you can focus on just that aspect this year. So if the main joy of Christmas for you means focusing on any children in your life, then stick with that as much as you can. That could mean turning down invitations to other events so you can focus your attention on the things you want to experience with those kids. Think of it as a way of setting priorities, and letting some of the extra stuff fall away.
The second step is to PLAN for the holiday as much and as early as you can.
If you want to focus on the aspects of each holiday that you love most, or that brings you the most satisfaction, then of course you want to put all the important stuff on your calendar. (Including the date by which you need to start defrosting any frozen turkeys. This article on Delish.com might help.)
It also means planning any events you are hosting, and any prep work needed for them. Planning for any outings you want to make this year as part of your vision for the holiday (to a botanical garden to see the poinsettias, to the local JCC to see the large menorah, to go see a production of the Nutcracker near you, etc.) Planning for any gifts, including making sure you have gift wrap and tape. Planning for extended mailing times because the current US Postmaster has decided to slow down the mail this holiday season and also make it more expensive.
To quote an old maxim: Plan the work, then work the plan.
Third, you need to NOURISH yourself.
This is not just about nourishing your body with hot soup, warm, crusty rolls, and tea, though that sounds good. It’s also about nourishing your hopes, dreams, and beliefs. About nourishing your spirit with moments of mindfulness. About nourishing your mind with uplifting content.
In short, it’s about self-care, from the basics I routinely discuss—making sure you eat, hydrate, take any medications or supplements you might need, get enough sleep, move your body—to things like spending time in nature, grounding yourself, and clearing your energetic field (your aura) with salt baths.
It can of course include the stuff you see in women’s magazines, such as mani-pedis, face masks, and spa days. No shade to any of those things, because we all deserve to feel good.
The fourth step is to RELEASE the things that no longer serve you.
If you prefer to be in control of things as much as possible, you may need to let go of feeling as if everything is on you. Once you have made a plan for an event, a meal, or anything else, see if you can release your expectations of how it will go. As with the law of attraction, the better thing to do is to place your order with the Universe, then sit back and stop worrying about precisely how it will all happen.
Maybe instead of the perfect meal with perfectly dressed attendees using perfect manners, you end up with a table full of people laughing together over a mishap like spilled gravy. If your true desire was a memorable family meal, that would have been met, just not in the way you expected.
Also, consider releasing any sense of obligation to adhere to plans just because you made them. I guess what I’m saying is “be flexible.” And be willing to make decisions on the fly, adding or dropping things as you go, as long as they are things that bring you joy and/or satisfy your vision of the holiday.
If you like this post,
Please let me know what resonated with you in the comments below. Or if you have a question or comment, I’d love to hear that as well. Finally, if you are interested in getting lots of help and support throughout the coming holiday season, including daily mindfulness prompts, weekly journaling exercises to help you work out your vision and plan for the holidays, and weekly group coaching, then I hope you will sign up for ALL IS CALM. Valued at over $500 of guides and services, it is priced at $97 to make it accessible.
