Be the Empress of Your Own Life
The Empress card in tarot is strongly connected with feminine abundance. She is often depicted as a relaxed, full-figured woman who is seated and almost reclining in a lush garden. When she appears in a reading, it is a reminder to tap into your female energy (sorry for the gendered term), to appreciate the abundance that already surrounds you, and to ground and nurture yourself.
You need to be kinder to yourself.
Somewhere along the line—probably starting in childhood—you were taught to criticize yourself. Maybe it was something as benign as someone asking you why you did something, or why you did it the way you did, and you heart that to mean there was something “wrong” with you and your choice.
Or maybe you were faced with overt criticism, or even mockery or scorn, from the people in your life. It could have been from parents or grandparents, siblings, or even teachers or “friends”.
Then again, maybe you picked up the habit of criticizing yourself by listening to a parent or other grownup in your life talking shit about themselves or others. When you were little, it was entirely logical to assume that adults knew everything, and if they said something, it must be true. They were the authority figures, and we assumed they’d earned that somehow.
Of course, now that you are an adult, you have probably figured out that adulthood doesn’t actually create any actual knowledge or authority. There are probably plenty of times that you aren’t sure what you’re doing, or what the answer is.
I want to ask you this:
If you (as an adult) encountered a little kid who was just like you were—uncertain, nervous, daring, bold, dream-filled, and more—would you say the negative things you say to them the things that you say to yourself every day? Would you make fun of little you for not yet knowing how to do certain things, or for making a simple mistake?
Here’s a picture of little me, who dreamed of being Peggy Fleming when she grew up, but was made fun of when she couldn’t do ballet easily or stand up on skates. Would you talk to her the way you talk to yourself?
I am guessing that you would not, in fact, talk to little me or to little you in the way that you talk to yourself regularly. If you stop and tune into your inner dialogue during the day, and find that you are calling yourself names, running yourself down, or using negative terms to characterize yourself, your body, your actions, and more . . . then may I suggest that it’s time to work on replacing your inner monologue with a kinder narrator?
I got rid of my negative self-talk.
I will be turning 58 in April, and it will be the first birthday that I can remember where my predominant inner thoughts about myself, my body, and my actions aren’t negative. All the practices I describe below are things I have practiced for a while now; as a result, I no longer tolerate or engage in negative self-talk.
To be clear, there aren’t many occasions when my inner dialogue starts to skew negative anymore. It’s much quieter in my mind, and has given me the opportunity to focus on other things.
I find that I am kinder to myself—more likely to comfort myself if I’m upset instead of telling myself to suck it up. More likely to parent myself in loving ways on a bad day (offering food, a nap, or something else if my body is unhappy; offering comforting ideas if I’m sad or angry).
It turns out that loving yourself, first and foremost, is one of the most healing things you can do. It helps you to show up more fully, and more hopefully, even in our fractured world. It helps you give yourself grace, and also to extend it to others when it’s appropriate.
Last week, the lovely people in my Be Your Own Valentine event received daily emails from me. Each of them included a love note from me, an affirmation for the day, and a practical exercise. Those included mirror work, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT or tapping), self-hugging, and an exercise in acknowledging and appreciating what you love about yourself.
If you are ready to quiet your negative self-talk and become the Empress of your own life, then this is for you:
I am offering a four-week one-to-one coaching experience to help rein in negative self-talk and replace it with self-love.
It will be radical.
It will be magical.
You will not be the same when our time together is done.
If you haven’t entirely eradicated negative self-talk by the time we are done, you will at least be on the path to freedom from the abusive relationship you’ve had with yourself for decades. You will be able to notice when negative self-talk starts up, and you will be able to interrupt it.
You will also develop skills and gain tools to help you change that talk, and lean into love for yourself.
If you want to work with me one-on-one to boost your self-esteem and self-compassion and quiet that self-criticism and negativity, I invite you to sign up for my 4-week program, “Empress of Your Own Life.” It’s priced at $444 (US), and will include 4 one-hour coaching calls along with additional materials and support.
