3 steps to help you get unstuck

Ever feel like you are stuck in a rut? Or maybe stuck in the mud? There are ways to break out of that to find your purpose and excitement again.

Today, I’m going to share three steps with you that I’ve been using for the past nine years or so to get me unstuck, and to help propel me toward my goals.

I have definitely found myself in a stuck place a few times in life. Stuck in an unhappy marriage. Stuck due to chronic health issues. Stuck in stale family roles when dealing with my parents. Stuck dealing with clutter. Stuck with housework. Stuck with caregiving. Stuck with debt.

In 2009, I was stuck with ALL of those things. I was miserable in my marriage at the time, but my ex-husband had been diagnosed with cancer, so I didn’t see a way out. Because nobody wants to be the person who leaves during a serious illness. By 2011, when my ex was in remission, I pulled myself out of that marriage. I then decluttered the house for the first time, at the same time that I took steps to do what I could to improve my health.

Those changes helped me to lose a little weight, gain a little self-confidence and peace of mind, and, ultimately, meet my current husband, who is the absolute love of my life. You could say that I broke free of some of my stuckness. I’ve worked on more since then.

Today, I’m going to share three of the tools I’ve used to help get me unstuck. These are things that have helped me to reduce my stress, to become reacquainted with my own wants and needs, and to make progress toward my goals.

Meditation

Meditation is so good, for so many reasons. Whether you focus on your breath or you focus on a mantra, meditation allows you to take a break from the rest of your life. That’s because you direct your attention to a particular thing (breath or mantra) and then when your mind begins to wander—and it will—you pull the focus back to the thing you’re paying attention to.

When you do that, you release the other things that want to claim your attention. The benefits of meditation include lower blood pressure, lower stress levels, more stable blood sugar, better sleep, and more. I’m not going to belabor the benefits here, since you can find umpteen articles about it.

Meditation has helped me to be less reactive. To be able to take advantage of that first moment after something is said or done to decide how to react, rather than to allow myself to be immediately triggered. It’s allowed me to focus my attention better, as well. It helps me to live life with less stress, and I am all for that.

Another form of meditation is a guided meditation, where you listen to an audio of someone who guides you through the process. One form of this is the free guided visualization that I offer here on my site. It’s a “Future You” visualization, which guides you through a forest and into a space where you see what your home will look like five years from now and how it will be furnished.

In this “Future You” visualization, you also meet your future self: it’s the “you” that you envision five years from now, and she might seem just like you are now, or be a bit different. Maybe she’s changed her hair in a way you’ve always wanted to try, or gotten a piercing or tattoo. Or perhaps in the future, your attitude towards life is different. The visualization includes journaling pages to help you capture your thoughts and ideas once you’re done. If you haven’t already gotten it, I hope you will get it for yourself today using the button below.

Journaling

I’ll be honest. I came kicking and screaming to journaling.

Not literally, of course. But I just felt foolish writing my thoughts into a book.

I got started at first (in 2010) by doing what I call “brain dumps” into a spiral notebook. I’d write down lists of all the things in my head that I wanted or needed to get done. It might include errands to run, home improvements to make, groceries to buy, trips to take, and basically any other thing in my head. I found that by dumping all the noise inside my head into a notebook, it gave me some relief and clarity.

By 2013 or so, I’d started adding some actual journaling into my notebook, and by 2018 at the latest, I’d started actually journaling on a somewhat regular basis. Since starting Actually, I Can, I have also kept a business journal, in which I write my ideas for things to offer, my thoughts and dreams for the business, and my reflections on how things are going. It has proven to be a tremendous way to connect with my thoughts and feelings.

When you journal, ask yourself questions. How are you feeling? Have you been taking action on your dreams and goals? How is that going? Is it working? Do you need to shift course? When done this way, it turns into a dialogue with yourself, where you ask and answer questions while keeping a record. It proves super helpful when you have written your ideas down and can refer back to them, or you can look through and realize that you have a down day once a month (either with the moon cycle or your hormonal cycle), or that when you drink alcohol nightly, you don’t sleep well.

Inspiration

Positive Affirmations

I know, I know.

Positive affirmations can feel so cheesy and so, well, “done.”

But I’m not talking about “positive vibes only” stuff. What I am talking about is harnessing the power of your mind through the use of environmental cues. Because it turns out that being surrounded by things that actually support and affirm your goals and dreams is really powerful.

What sorts of things am I talking about? Well, on my desk as I type this is a framed print with a cute fairy drawing that says “believe in your dreams,” plus a ceramic desk sign made by Rae Dunn that reads “BOSS LADY”. Above my desk is a sign that my husband bought for me that says “Don’t quit your daydream”, and a calendar by the artist, Pamela Zagarenski, that has amazing art and quotes. This month’s reads “The question is not what you look at but what you see.” (Thoreau)

Also in my office is an art piece I created that reads “Actually, I can,” plus small cards with this year’s mantras: “let it be easy” and “show up.” All of these are words that speak to me, reminders of both the importance of dreams, and what some of those dreams require.

If you want to combat negative self-talk, you might put up post-its that say things like “I love myself for who I am” or “I am grateful to my body for working to support me”. If you want to remind yourself to keep going when things get hard, you can post “keep going when things get hard” (of just “keep going”) or “everything you want is on the other side of fear”. Single words are great. Phrases are great.

Adorable hand-lettering is entirely optional, but my guess is, for most phrases, you can find it done in a pretty way online.

In closing

I hope these three steps help you to get unstuck and find your mojo again. (I almost typed “mofo” just then, and heck yeah, find your inner mofo too!)

If you’d like to explore working with me to identify your current goals and dreams and figure out a roadmap to get there, I’d be delighted to schedule a free discovery call with you. Fill out the contact form and I’ll be in touch to set up a call!