You don't have to make things hard.
Yesterday, I had the great pleasure of providing coaching to two of my favorite clients. They both showed up for free coaching, and I was delighted to spend an hour or so with them.
Both clients have lists of habits that they’d like to create for themselves. One of the two is trying to adopt a new habit each week (!), and the other is waffling over whether to go for the easiest or hardest one, or what.
Before I jump into what I want to say, here’s your invitation to sign up for the free “build a new habit” thing I’m running until August 21st. You get some emails, support in our FB group, and access to free life coaching sessions with me!
As humans, we often make things more complicated than they need to be.
During our session, I referred to an ad for Rachel Maddow’s weekly show on MSNBC, where there’s a clip of her saying something like “is there a more complicated way of looking at this?” I mean, I get it: looking for the bigger picture in the news makes sense sometimes.
But too often, we try to do that in our own lives.
A new habit each week is quite a lot of pressure. Not starting at all because you worry you might pick the “wrong” thing just makes your feel bad. The same goes for thinking it doesn’t count somehow if you go for the easiest thing on your list, or thinking that you “should” pick something different.
There is no right or wrong. There is simply choosing what serves you and implementing it, or not.
Maybe you are trying to do something that is multi-step, or has more than one facet. In that case, can you simplify things and just do one part?
In my case, I eventually want something like a 7-part daily routine, but for now I’m opting to just start one piece: journaling. Once I get that established, I will decide which of the next behaviors to adopt. Probably meditation, but maybe I’ll go with affirmations or visualization or self-improvement or something else. In the meantime, I can do those behaviors sporadically as I go along, which is what I’ve always done. My new habit of journaling every day is working well, but I am giving it until August 21st or so to settle in before I pick the next thing.
Maybe you think it’s “cheating” to do something that sounds relatively easy.
I can assure you that when it comes to adopting a new behavior and incorporating it into your daily life, building it into a habit isn’t simple, nor is it easy. If it were, you would likely already be doing the thing and not having to think about it.
Maybe you want to adopt a “simple” self-care habit such as washing your face before bed every night. If it’s not something you currently do as part of your evening or bedtime routine, then you have to figure out when to do it and where it slots into your life. You have to have the supplies on hand. You have to remember to do it, night after night until it becomes second nature. You have to drag your ass out of bed if you have forgotten to do it, rather than staying there because it’s easier or you’re already comfortable.
Is washing your face simple? On some levels, sure it is. We can teach kids who haven’t reached double digits how to do it. On other levels, you might have to think about the products you use (and refine or replace those over time as your skin needs change due to aging, menopause, etc.). Maybe washing your face then requires you to apply moisturizer or other skincare products. Maybe instead of adding about a minute to your evening (to simply wash and pat dry), it adds 3-4 minutes. Maybe that feels cumbersome, even though reading it right now it seems like a no-brainer.
Also, I will note again that it’s fine to adopt a “simple” goal like this over something more complicated or involved, like reprogramming what you eat, or committing to any task that takes 20 minutes or longer, such as (say) “running three miles every morning come hell or high water.”
It is just as valid to choose that “simpler” task, and has plenty of benefits for you. So choosing the lowest hanging fruit you have in your list of possible habits can be the best way to go: you still adopt a habit that you want as part of your life.
There will always be tradeoffs when it comes to forming new habits.
Any new habit takes a bit of time. Maybe it’s only a minute (like face-washing), or maybe it’s an hour or more (like running or cycling or taking a fitness class).
It means you have to re-jigger your day. Perhaps you have to get up earlier to fit something in, or cut down on a few minutes of reading or TV or social media (or something else) in order to fit that new habit in. You may have to put things in a slightly different order to make it work.
In the case of face-washing, maybe your bedtime routine was something like “get changed for bed, floss, brush teeth, use the toilet, wash hands, get in bed.” Where in that list works best for you? Do you need to push bedtime back by a minute or so? Or get started a minute or so earlier?
I’m deliberately using this example because it’s easy to see that (a) something simple is still valid and (b) still requires you to move things around until they fit right and you get used to them.
In closing, here’s your reminder. You don’t have to make things complicated. You can pick the easiest thing on your list and go for it. Even then, it will take time and practice.
