Take a chance. Make a change.

Of course, no sooner did I type “take a chance” than the ABBA song, “Take a Chance on Me”, started playing on brainradio. You’re welcome.

This isn’t about waiting for other people to change their minds (as in the song), though. It’s about you taking a chance on your own dreams and wishes. It’s about making a change.

I’ve been thinking lately about how we are all conditioned by the patriarchal society we live in to fulfill certain roles. How those of us who were raised from birth as female have been taught to dim ourselves down, keep ourselves small (literally, in many ways), stay in our place.

How we are bombarded with images of what our bodies “should” look like. Who says? Sometimes men, sometimes other womxn, always always the patriarchy. We are kept so busy thinking about making sure our appearance is pleasing to others, or that we “fit in”, that we don’t have time to do the other, bigger stuff in life that we’d like to do.

Think how many times you’ve wanted to go somewhere or do something, but hesitated, or even stopped, because you were “too heavy” or “too thin” or “too short” or not “right” or “good enough” in some other way. And then think of the (usually) men you know who don’t give a damn about any of that and just do as they please without worrying about how their appearance will be judged. It’s not true that all womxn are hamstrung by body issues, or that all men are not worried about it, but it happens enough for us all to be familiar with the feeling.

From childhood, we have been told how “proper” girls and ladies are supposed to act. How we are told to calm down, sit down, not make a fuss. Don’t be so emotional, as if emotions aren’t normal. We are for sure told not to display anger, to the point that many of us burst into tears, rather than rage.

Again, it’s always the patriarchy talking. By the time we are teens, most of us don’t even need anyone to tell us anymore, since we’ve internalized it. We don’t want to earn disapproval from the others in our lives, so we don’t make waves. We dim ourselves.

Despite it all, we are one step away from being dangerous creatures

Do you know, we are all just one decision away from being extremely dangerous beings? We are forever faced with choices in life. What we do, how we do it, with whom we keep company, what we tolerate, encourage or allow.

We could at any moment walk out the door without looking back. Don’t believe me? I will bet you know or have heard about someone who did just that. Their families can’t believe it still, but it happened.

I’m not advocating that you grab your purse and walk out the door without looking back (unless your safety is at issue). But I am encouraging you to start making some of the decisions that steer you towards a happier, more fulfilled life.

For example, those of us who are parents could at any moment decide to stop giving all our resources to our kids, whether it’s money or time or energy. Would it shake things up? Would other people be upset? Most likely, yes. Would they try to force you back into line using guilt, shame, and other devices that have been deployed against us since we were small children? Probably.

But could you make a decision and hold that boundary? The answer is a resounding YES—if that is what you want to do.

But I’m not ready to be dangerous

I get it. I’m not ready to be that dangerous, either.

I’m now 56 years old, and it wasn’t until last year that I realized I didn’t have to remain in stale family roles when dealing with my parents, or that I could, in fact, choose to set and enforce boundaries. I’m a work in progress, just like you.

The important thing in this post is to remember that even though we often forget that it’s our choice, we are the ones who decide how we spend our time and energy.

What if we decide to spend our time and energy making our own lives better? What if we decide to live our full life today, and not defer it for some possible future when the kids are grown, or our partner has retired, or whatever it is we think we are waiting for?

Because friends, if 2020 has made anything clear at all, it’s that we are none of us promised that “someday in the future”. With close to 140,000 people in this country dead from COVID19 (or more, since it appears some states have been undercounting), and millions already affected with anything from mild to debilitating, life-changing conditions, it’s pretty clear that we aren’t all promised time to get around to our future happiness. And somehow Kelly Preston’s death at age 57 from breast cancer, even though expected, made it that much more clear.

If you are waiting for a future event or time to allow yourself to make a decision that you think will bring you joy? STOP WAITING.

You are allowed to make a new choice. A dangerous one. The kind where you decide to care less about another person’s disapproval in favor of feeling more in tune—freer and more happy, even—with yourself.

You are allowed to reinvent yourself at any time. You can start today. This moment. This is your permission slip, if you need one.

You are allowed to ditch any behaviors, stories, or patterns so you can start a new path. If you are unhappy with the way things are, or spend your days going through the motions instead of thriving, you are doing yourself a serious disservice if you don’t take a chance, and make a change. 

Don’t settle for less than you deserve because your comfort zone is, well, comfortable. Your comfort zone might be extremely beautiful, but a gilded cage is still a cage. If that familiar place is preventing you from living a more fulfilling, meaningful life, you are one decision from taking an action, however small, toward a better life for yourself.

Do it for yourself. Do it to model something better for those around you. Do it for those whose lives are being cut short, who didn’t take their own chance.

Join me!

The Dress to Express Yourself Challenge starts July 30th and is FREE. Sign up here!