Getting ready to celebrate the Winter Solstice
I am prepping this week for Friday’s event, Darkness Into Light, which is an online gathering to celebrate the Winter Solstice, and it has me thinking more about the darkness. How we have been taught to hide things we don’t like (thoughts, emotions, memories) in the shadows or darkness, and how that is what makes us afraid of the dark.
The Winter Solstice reminds us that the light is returning, when we can run around and pretend that all that stuff in the darkness is hidden away and doesn’t affect us. Which is, of course, nonsense, because all that stuff we’ve hidden away is the sort of stuff that comes back to keep us away in the dark of night.
What if we offered our past selves a bit of grace for what we shoved into the shadows?
Maybe it’s a cringey memory from when you were a tween and a grown man said or did something inappropriate. Tween you would have thought it was your fault, and shoved it into the darkness. Adult you, however, can pull that out and see clearly that tween you didn’t deserve to be in that position, and can place the blame on the perpetrator, with maybe some additional blame to share if another adult was present and did nothing to intervene.
Maybe it’s a recollection of that time you said something stupid, not realizing what all the circumstances were, and you’ve been self-flagellating for years or even decades now. Like the time you said “aren’t you lucky that you get to go somewhere because your cousin can’t make it”, but then found out that the reason the cousin couldn’t make it wasn’t a simple scheduling issue, but a medical event. (You get the idea.)
Maybe it’s a memory of a time you were written up or fired at a job. Looking back now, maybe you can see more about how that actually went down. Or maybe you can see that it was actually unfair, and that you took the fall for something that wasn’t your responsibility. Either way, you can also look at younger you and see how they did the best they knew how at the time, and maybe weren’t given the proper training or support, or didn’t know how to speak up or what to ask for.
In all these cases, pulling something out of the darkness into a small circle of light can help you to finalize the lesson that was waiting for you there, or to let go of something that shouldn’t have been yours to hold onto in the first place.
If you pull something out and cannot figure out how to deal with it, the first step is to ask what you’d say if this was somebody else’s story. What would you tell a friend who you truly love? And shouldn’t you be your own friend who truly loves yourself?
Be sure to give your nervous system plenty of support if you embark on this work. That could look like asking someone else for a hug, if that feels helpful. It could look like screaming into a pillow, or yelling out loud when you are alone in your house or car until you get it all out of your system. It can look like blasting music that amps up your particular emotion: a sad song that will help you to cry if you are feeling sad, or an angsty or emo song if you feel angsty or angry. Movement can also be helpful, so a walk outside or dancing around in your house can also help. A bath or shower might also help you to clear any negative energy you have dredged up.
Basically, once you have allowed any emotion to wash through you, you’re going to want to clear or cleanse your energy field. You can snag my Energy Clearing guide here.
Note: If you find something that is truly horrifying or that you cannot contend with, maybe it’s time to find someone who can help you with it. (That turns out to be exactly what therapists are for, and you can find one using this tool at Psychology Today, or by using something like Better Help..)
Winter is the perfect time to do some shadow work, and to plant seeds for the coming year.
One way to do this is to assess what went well for you this past year (where were you happiest, what wins did you have), as well as what didn’t work out as intended (could be losses or misses). Then to think ahead to how you would like next year to be: what do you want to accomplish? what do you want to feel like? what new boundaries might you need to establish to allow for you to have the year that you want?
These are the sorts of questions we will be thinking and sharing about during Darkness Into Light this Friday. You are welcome to join this pay-what-you-want event if you’d like!
Image copyright Mira Kemppanien
