The patriarchy sure had a week, didn’t it?

The headlines below serve as trigger warnings for the section of text that follows. If you don’t want to read them, please skip to the Matriarchy section below the divider.

There’s all the sexual abuse of women.

As if the Epstein stuff wasn’t bad enough—and it is more than bad, and too much—last week we learned about an online site that is essentially a “rape academy”: men giving one another guidance on how to drug and sexually abuse their partners, and get away with it. Which drugs to use so that even if the woman figures it out, the drug won’t be detectable so she will have no proof.

In February of 2026, the shortest month of an already long year, more than 62 million visits were made to that site. In the fallout of the Gisele Pelicot case in France (TW: her husband drugged her and filmed hundreds of OTHER men raping her), this website is a reminder that even our intimate partners aren’t always “safe.”

Not all men, obviously.

But always a man.

The patriarchy also showed itself in the evidence of the incompetence at the top of the US government.

Kash Patel, the Director of the FBI, is reportedly missing in action. Erratic, often drunk, lashing out at FBI agents left and right. He fired the department full of agents with specialized knowledge of Iran not long before the US launched strikes on Iran. I’m sure eventually we will learn that our entire administration is a Russian op, but in the meantime, he’s obviously not meeting the moment, or even doing the job. The article in The Atlantic about him can be found here, if you care.

The US President appears to be sundowning in public more frequently. He doesn’t know the term “corner store”. He has taken to insulting long-time supporters, in addition to everyone else. He believes he deserves the tallest monument in the DC area to be built for him in the form of a ginormous white and gold arc de triomphe-like gate on the holy ground that is Arlington National Cemetery.

The Secretary of Defense is leading prayer services at the Pentagon where he is quoting Pulp Fiction and claiming it is scripture.

The Treasury Secretary is out there opining about the US attacks on Iran, and decided that the Strait of Hormuz was called “The Strait of Vermouth.”

Women were murdered by their partners.

One-time political darling Justin Fairfax murdered his wife, Dr. Cerina Wanzler Fairfax, because he couldn’t face having to move out of the house during a divorce (and because he thought he had a right to, most likely). Lynette Hooker was on a Bahamas holiday with her husband. She “fell off” their small dinghy with the keys in her hand at night, and likely drowned. Her husband is the primary and only suspect—the Bahamas version of an “Alpine divorce.”

Speaking of which, a doctor in Hawaii was sentenced for attempted manslaughter after he tried to murder his wife on a trail. He tried to push her off a cliff and stab her with a syringe he had brought along, and when that didn't work, he struck her with a rock, and he still only got tagged for attempted manslaughter, despite all that obvious malice aforethought.

There were many others, of course. Women in our local communities, women in other countries . . . Because if a woman is murdered, it’s more often an intimate partner than a stranger; men, on the other hand, are more likely to be killed by a stranger.

Two congressmen resigned due to infidelity.

Eric Swalwell (D. CA) dropped his campaign for governor of California and resigned from the House of Representatives after an education advocate spent months building a case against him for repeated sexual impropriety, which appears to have ranged from sexual harassment (including sending dick pics) to sexual assault.

Tony Gonzalez (R. TX) is also resigning from the House. In his case, he apparently had an affair with a female staffer, who is now dead. The current story is that she got drunk and self-immolated on her front yard, but that’s sure not a way women kill themselves. Guess we will see if any further investigation takes place.

The patriarchy is still in charge of telling the story.

Right now the news (and social media) is run by the patriarchy. Rich white men, who may be named in the Epstein list, own the major networks and newspapers.

The patriarchy rewards men, and preferable wealthy, white men. To them all benefits flow, from all of us who are “lesser.” It’s in the patriarchy’s interest to frame things in ways that benefit those at the top: Justin Fairfax “died”; two congressmen resigned amid “allegations.” Their wrongdoings are erased from the headlines; it does not change the reality on the ground.

The Matriarchy Also Had A Week

There’s no news articles shining a light on it, of course. But more and more women are paying attention, noticing the inequities and the tragedies created at the hands of patriarchal men.

And we are angry.

It doesn’t matter whether you are in conversation with a friend in real life, or discussing something over the phone or even over the internet: Women are full of rage.

We read the stories of abuse and we are outraged.

We read the stories of men getting away with this shit and we are enraged.

Women know they’ve been holding it all down and keeping it all together this entire time, and the lack of appreciation—or even acknowledgement—by much of society is just not okay with us anymore.

We are tired of having to smile in order to defuse a fraught social situation. Tired of laughing at “jokes” made at our expense. Tired of the slights, the insults, the implication that somehow women don’t deserve respect.

Women are ready to befriend not only the bear in the forest, but also any fire-breathing dragons they may come across.

An outdoor bonfire creates a narrow column of flame that resembles a dragon — A dragon appears made of flame. Image copyright @dolcelatsa at Unsplash.

The patriarchy is falling. We must create the rising matriarchy.

In my opinion, and in the opinion of a number of others, the white supremacist patriarchy is in its death throes. Two thousand years of patriarchal rule are collapsing in on themselves in a system that cannot hold.

It means, of course, that the patriarchy is both desperate and dangerous right now. It is why efforts are underway to strip women of the right or ability to vote in elections, why the evangelical patriarchy wants women to quit their jobs and stay home to make babies even if we aren’t ready for them and cannot afford them. (Remarks of conservative influencer Isabel Brown at CPAC.)

And yes, women carry water for the patriarchy all the time. They are indoctrinated into the system from childhood (we ALL are), and white women in particular may believe that the system will protect them. While it may offer better benefits to white women than to women of color or people who are in other genders, millennia of data show that the white male patriarchal system continues to view women and children as property (aka “chattel”), who are to be managed or directed, not consulted and respected.

What we need is a feminist matriarchy

It is past time that we all give the idea of a feminist matriarchy a go. (Gentle reminder that feminism stands for the idea that women are as valuable in this world as men, and deserve the same respect. It’s not about misandry,)

Patriarchy is a top-down structure, with powerful (usually wealthy and white) men at the tippy top of a pyramid. To them all the money and power flows, and from them comes the weight of obligation and judgment that rests on all the rest of us. It’s essentially feudalism, dressed up in different clothes.

Matriarchy is not a pyramid scheme.

Matriarchy is a collaborative circle, with those who have the most need and are at most risk in the center of the circle or sphere. Matriarchy puts children, the disabled, the elderly, our trans sisters and brothers, members of the LGBTQIA community and others in the center, where we can protect and nurture them.

Matriarchy doesn’t say “what can you do for me”, and is not (in my opinion) reduced to “what can I do for you.” It is more “what is best for all of us”?

If you’ve ever heard the phrase “a rising tide lifts all boats”, that’s how matriarchy works.

We make sure people are taken care of, with dignity.

We make sure that people have enough, whether that is housing or health care or food or safety.

There may not be a clear “winner” in matriarchy, because ideally the point is for us all to collaborate and to live together happily and well. We all succeed together, collaboratively.

We can and must start living in our matriarchy now.

Now is exactly the time for women to come together in person, online, and in all ways, in order to start creating the matriarchy of the future.

We cannot wait for the “end” of the patriarchy, or to see whether some new iteration of the traditional patriarchy can be created as a replacement for the one that is currently on fire.

We must start now, where we are, with what we have. We must keep protesting any loss of rights or freedoms for ourselves and others. We must continue to support those who need assistance, whether that means calling our representatives in Congress or going to a local library board or school board meeting.

If you, like me, are ready for change, then I invite you to set aside some time in the evening on Sunday, May 17th to join me via Zoom for the first Matriarchy Now session. I will be setting up the event and posting more about it as it gets a bit closer.

Everybody scream