April showers bring May flowers? What to do when life gets in your way.
The old nursery rhyme “April showers bring May flowers” is giving me pause this year.
(Pause for Dad joke: Q: What do May flowers bring? A: Pilgrims.)
It’s the second week of April now, and so far we have had a bit of rain, a lot of sun, a bit of frost, some wind . . . and that is both the actual weather, and the metaphorical climate here in my house.
Maybe things are always this way, but it seems like life has decided to accelerate the drama around here for 2023. On the one hand, I guess it’s nice that it’s not one national crisis after another at present, but the personal crises? Those are a bit much.
On a personal level for me, my dad died suddenly in early March, and I ended up spending several weeks in South Carolina as a result. I then had to schedule health stuff for myself, which resulted in two procedures last week, both of which include biopsies. And as of yesterday, I got a call that my mom’s CT scan showed some issues with her liver that may be bad news indeed. All in all, April is in with a few too many showers in the metaphorical sense at this point.
I was already thinking about how it’s been one thing after another for me when I got an email query from one of my clients. Could I maybe talk a bit about what to do when life continuously interferes with your plans?
Ask, and you shall receive.
What to do when life gets in the way.
Let’s be clear: Life will always affect your plans, one way or another.
Maybe, like my friend Russell and his family, you planned a vacation to visit family on the East Coast during your kids’ spring break, only for you and your wife to come down with Covid the day before you were supposed to travel. (True story.)
Maybe, like me, you had plans for your business (or hobby, or side hustle, or professional development), and a loved one has died (my dad in March) or developed a health issue (my mom just now) that means you have to drop, set aside, delay, or rearrange things in order to attend to the situation. (Again, true story.)
Maybe you wanted to start a new exercise regimen, and sustained an injury. Or you decided to book something—a seminar, a concert, an outing, a weekend away, whatever—only it turns out to conflict with other plans, or an emergency arises to preclude you from going.
Whatever it is, the one thing we can all count on is the fact that sometimes, shit happens.
When those things come up, here are some things you can do:
Ignore the interruption (if at all possible), proceed with your initial plan, and figure out how to deal with the interruption afterwards. This is possible if it is someone else’s problem that you feel called to help with, but you have to be willing to leave that other person or people to deal with things on their own in the meantime.
Before you protest that you can’t do that because your parent or sibling or child or co-worker “needs” you, just know that you COULD leave them to it. And they might get upset with you for it, or you might feel upset with yourself about it, but it is an option, even if you choose not to take it.
Cry or even yell about it. Because it is 100% disappointing, and can be upsetting and even enraging when something happens to throw a wrench into the works. Do what you need to in order to acknowledge your true feelings, and to release any pent-up emotions.
It’s 100% okay to be angry, sad, disappointed, frustrated, or any number of other things when something gets in the way of your plans and goals. Even if the thing that gets in your way is something “worse”, it doesn’t mean your plans haven’t been thwarted. It is healthy for you to recognize your own loss.
Take a pause to decide how you want to proceed. This can be challenging when you are feeling pulled to spring into action, but whenever it is possible, pausing to assess your options and future actions is worthwhile.
For instance, I am scheduled to be away next week on a girls’ trip, which I’ve been looking forward to for an entire year. But I learned today that my mom may need to see an oncologist to assess whether she has cancer. My immediate thought was to drop my trip. After a pause, I’m preparing to at least attend part of my get-away, so that I can be in the best possible mental shape when it’s time to help mom.
Or perhaps you can secure some additional help or support from others, so that you can at least partially do what you had planned—for instance, lining up someone to sit with your loved one while you do certain tasks; or setting a boundary with others that you will be happy to assist on X day, but not on Y.
Regroup and make a new plan. This may be something you can do immediately (as in my first pause example above), or it may happen much later, but really, it’s often your only option.
In some cases, the thing you had to give up on can be rescheduled; In others (like a concert or particular trip or course), it cannot. If you can postpone or reschedule, that may be your best option. Perhaps you missed the window to take a class at your nearest community college, but can take it next semester, or at a different provider.
Maybe you missed seeing Taylor Swift in concert and now you won’t get to see her at all—in that case, I advise you to still make a new plan for something nice for yourself. No, it won’t be the same, but after interrupting your own plans due to life getting in the way, don’t you deserve something good, just for yourself? Yes. Yes, you do.
At one point or another, life will for sure get in your way. Maybe it will happen more than once a year, or month, or even week. When it occurs, it’s fine to be upset by it. And to not take on other people’s problems if you don’t want to (or don’t have the capacity to do so). It’s okay—even helpful—to get upset and acknowledge how things are affecting you. And then, it’s useful to pause, to figure out how much you want to do, and what your options are, and then (eventually) make a new plan for yourself.
